


N004: A Terrible Twist

by Rhion



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 17:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhion/pseuds/Rhion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What a terrible twist that tore at his heart when he realized what was going on. All he thought he knew was brought low by his voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in '08, finished, and for archival purposes. 
> 
> There are multiple endings, you decide which one makes you feel the most satisfied.

Peter watched, glared more like, at the tall young man across the fire from him. Prince Caspian. The name rolled off the tongue, laden with something Peter never would have. Susan and Caspian were talking quietly, discussing the history that had passed while she'd been gone from Narnia as though they were old friends.

She used to talk to me like that...

The glow in her cheeks sickened him, the way she smiled, the way her lips curved around words just so - lips that once smiled for him in ages past. But never, oh never with such warmth. Peter's hands clenched, his knuckles popping, yet no one seemed to notice. Thank the powers that be for small graces. Each movement of Susan's long nimble hands were graceful, entrancing, and Caspian didn't appear to be immune to her many charms. And Susan, sweet, beautiful, graceful Susan wasn't as resistant as she'd always been to others once upon a time.

She should have been named Susan the Graceful, and he began to hate, a bitter draft in his throat and belly.

How much would he give, what would he not do to have her hand rest on his knee the way she carelessly placed it on Caspian's. Like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower, the touches were fleeting, full of shy meaning. And he wanted to wrap his hands around the overlong neck of that Telmarine, wringing it until it snapped. But he tried to hold on, to remind himself that Susan would be all his once they left Narnia again. Dark calloused fingers darted forward to tuck a stray tendril of hair from Susan's cheek without thought, it was so unplanned Peter could tell by how much the two blushed at the action.

Unable to take anymore Peter got up, going off into the forest, needing to be away before he did something foolish.

XXX

He's so tall, not the most coherent of her observations as she talked with Caspian. His fingers are so rough, yet so gentle, and the thought warmed her body in a way it never had quite been before.

Licking her lips, "You certainly seem to know a great deal about the stars and their movements."

"Aye, I do. The Professor was very careful to teach me," he leaned back on his hands staring up at the star strewn sky.

The way his hair curled around his neck and his throat worked as he spoke was distracting. All she wanted to do was touch it, to see what the texture of his skin felt like there. It made Susan's hands itch just thinking about it. She must have been too silent for too long, because as her gaze refocused she saw Caspian looking at her, his eyes like glittering onyx in the fire would be almost pitch without the light. Pinned beneath those eyes Susan wanted to flee, she felt cornered, hunted.

Yet his voice was soothing, soft as a summer breeze, "Tell me your thoughts m'lady, for they look deep indeed. I would wish to share any of your troubles if I may."

Smiling and letting out an embarrassed laugh, "Oh it's nothing at all." He rolled over to rest on one elbow, looking up at her, as though to reach out and touch her face. Shaking her head, "I'm just...sad...sad that so much has changed and been lost," coming up with a quick excuse.

"Aye it has, and it is a great tragedy assuredly," the words tripped off his accented tongue, and as archaically as he spoke, Caspian sounded as normal as could be to her ear. His tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, drawing her eye as his mouth moved, "Tell me what it is that you miss most?"

Clasping her hands in her lap, Susan forced herself to look away, to the sky a place that was safe for her to stare as she spoke, so she wouldn't get lost in him, "It's not any one thing." And her traitorous eyes slid back to him, "My library, or seeing the fauns dance with dryads, naiads too. The nymphs and their singing. The apple orchard, with great golden fruit hanging from strong limbs and climbing them, not caring that I'd skin my knees."

He chuckled low, his eyes squeezing shut, and she noticed that he had the faintest of freckles there, "That is an image I would like to see."

Feigning indignation, "Oh? Seeing me fumble and fall out of a tree and hurt myself amuses you?'

"No," Caspian's laughter ceased, the bright sound lost. "No," reaching out to lay his hand atop hers in her lap, "such a thought would never bring humour to me." Susan recognized that look, she'd seen it somewhere before... "It was the idea of you so happy from something so small that brought a smile to my face."

Shuddering internally, trying not to remember, "Small things are all there are Caspian, for everything changes in time, and the great things overshadow any good that comes from the daily toil."

"I have been remiss then m'lady, for I was always of the mind that great acts were that which allowed the good." His thumb was rubbing the top of her hand, and it burned tracks over her skin, "Perhaps though we are both right?"

"Susan?" Lucy interrupted the tension of the moment, "I can't find Peter."

Sighing Susan got up, "I'll go look for him Luce, he's probably just brooding."

Caspian had scrambled up to stand at her first motion, "I shall come with you, these forests are not always safe."

"No," shaking her head, "it's best if I go. Besides," giving him a coy look, "I can defend myself well enough thank you. I've been doing it for longer than you've been alive."

Why do I feel this way...? Why does he make my skin so warm? Why do I want him to stop me from going without him, to touch me? Why?

XXX

Caspian followed on near silent feet, padding through the undergrowth following behind Susan. She smells like moonlight and roses, her hands are so soft...

He wouldn't allow any harm to befall her. Caspian didn't know why he had such a strong reaction, she was just a woman. And Reepicheep was just a mouse. Licking his lips, he paused as voices echoed. Moving closer he saw Peter leaning against a tree, arms crossed, head down.

"There you are, I was getting worried," Susan chided as she stepped up to him, a hand resting on the side of an arm.

"Were you now?" it sounded darker than Caspian felt was warranted in the situation.

His thought had been to merely assure himself that Susan reached her brother without mishap, but his curiosity was piqued now. Was this what siblings were like?

"Don't be like that Peter," fists on her hips. "I don't know what's gotten into you anyway."

"You shouldn't touch him like that, it's not proper."

She huffed, "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Pushing off of his tree, Peter paced a tight circle around Susan, "He's a Telmarine Susan, he's filth. Yet you... you touch him as though he deserves the right to it." Snarling, "It's not proper and you know it. There can be nothing between you and him. You'll leave, we'll leave, at least spare yourself some of the pain this time."

She'll leave...? something twisted in his soul at that thought. He refused to accept that idea. This time? What does he mean... this time?and Caspian's eyes narrowed in what felt suspiciously like jealousy.

Releasing a soft cry of irritation, "You promised to never speak of him again!"

"And when we return, he'll be dead in minutes compared to our time Susan. It's been thirteen hundred years to one of ours, the very second we return - he'll have lived an entire lifetime. Had a family, replaced you. Think of that then Susan." Her hand rocked forward smacking her brother's cheek, so hard his head whipped around. As it rose again, Peter caught it, holding it to his abused face, "But I'll always be there for you Susan. You know it, you know I'm telling the truth. Give up any silly idea you have. It's just hormones anyway."

Susan shivered, tugging on her hand, yet Peter wouldn't release it. Caspian's stomach knotted, not fully understanding what was going on, this didn't feel right. This didn't feel normal. There was something wrong. He stilled himself, waiting, watching as Peter wrapped Susan in a hug, pulling her into his chest, mouth brushing over her cheeks and forehead murmuring. And Caspian couldn't tear himself away. Neither could Susan it looked like, as the comforting movements of hands on her sides and back turned languid.

Sickened, Caspian clenched his eyes closed, but he couldn't block out the sounds of Peter laying Susan on the ground or the sound of her breath hitching. Why does she not fight him? Why does she not say no? And why, why am I standing here mute witness to this atrocity?

But he couldn't move, couldn't utter, and he wondered if that was how Susan felt, even as the sounds became wet, Peter's voice husky, tiny little moans issuing from Susan's throat.  
If he thinks I will allow her to leave with him...

XXX

Peter was over her, moving in and out, her knees spread, skirts hitched up, seeking to find that look in her eyes that said she loved him still. That she loved only him. That it was only him who made her feel this way, that he was the only one to touch her. Susan was so wet, always ready for him when he took her. Kissing her neck, the tops of her breasts, plunging against her, feeling every sweet inch. But her eyes were closed, always closed now. Was she thinking of him, that damned Giles? That dirty Archenlander who had won her heart? Or was she thinking of the Telmarine bastard? Pounding at her harder, merciless, he'd make her look at him, remind her that it was him, just him, who'd always love her, always be there. What did it matter that he had killed Giles? He'd done it for her. She was his, just his, and Peter could feel the telltale fluttering around his cock, Maybe this time she'll open her eyes...

But she didn't, even as a cry was torn from her, that he smothered with his mouth, lips grinding over hers, bruising. And in these moments he hated Susan and he loved her and he wanted to devour her. It wasn't her fault though he reasoned as he pressed harder, faster, deeper, seeking his own release, it was just those damned dirty filthy letches. Caspian could just as easily be put down as Giles was, and h'ed do it if he had to. Susan would cry, and he would comfort her, and she would love him again.

"I love you," Peter gasped, pressing his mouth to her ear, "I love you..."

Susan never said it back, just whispered, "I know..."

You'll love me one day... You will... You're just blinded by the others... that's all. I'll show you... I'll show you how much I love you, and you'll see. You'll have to see.

Holding her tight, spent, Peter rested his weight on her, feeling safe for the moment. Almost at peace as fingers ran through his hair. Eyes still closed. Always closed.

"Look at me," stroking her cheek.

Her lips trembled, begging for another kiss. Leaning in and opening her mouth with his tongue, sweeping it in and invading every nook and cranny, tasting the apples she ate earlier that day. Tasting something all Susan, a bittersweet tang. For now he'd take this. Peter put all his heart into each touch, telling Susan that she belonged to him, that he belonged to her. Eventually it'd get through. It would have to, because it was him or no one else. He didn't care if it was unreasoning, when was love ever reasonable? Whoever sought to take her from him would pay and pay dearly. Later he would warn off that Telmarine, because Peter wasn't so unfair as to not give him a honourable chance to back off. And if he didn't? Well accidents happen.

Smiling in Susan's neck, "You're mine..."

"I know..."

XXX

He's following me again, Caspian was at her side, she was never alone. Peter was right, it was just hormones, it was just... Just someone touching me without demanding more. Shuddering, Susan clutched her skirts trying to shove away the thoughts, the memories. And Peter would never let her get away, and if by some miracle she did - what would happen then? What would happen to Peter? To Edmund and Lucy? Pressing her hand to her mouth, Oh god, what if he... what if he noticed Lucy? Swallowing the bile that thought brought, Susan reinforced herself, reminding her heart that no sweet words from Caspian could afford to move it.

Arm offered, "M'lady, would you care to take a walk with me?"

"I have things to do Caspian," trying to ignore how warm his eyes were in the daylight, how they looked like deep pools of chocolate.

"Then how may I assist?" his smile winning.

What could it hurt to have some company? Sighing, "Take those bandages over there and roll them please."

He nodded and they were quiet for a time, working on sorting and preparing medical supplies.  
"Su?" Peter entered, that swagger to his walk that made girls swoon. But it left her unmoved. 

"Oh. Hello Caspian."

Caspian nodded, his voice ever neutral, "High King Peter."

"What do you need Peter?" pushing herself up from the bench wiping her hands off on her skirts.

"I was wondering if you'd come look at something with me," and her blood went cold.  
Now? He wants... to so soon? It's only been a few days... she knew that glint. Forcing a distracted smile, "Can't it wait?"

"No, I'm afraid it can't."

And so she steeled herself, but Caspian had gotten up to join them, "It would be a pleasure to join you," stepping carelessly between them, offering his arm to Susan once more.

Oh god Caspian, you're playing with fire...

Peter shot him a dark glare, but nodded, "Fine."

XXX

Tossing and turning on his bedroll, Should I ask her about what I saw? the thought tormented him. He'd been unable to act, to prevent what had happened. All he could do now was interrupt and make sure Susan was never alone. Even though now she rebuffed him more often than not, her eyes still followed him when she thought he wouldn't notice. Caspian knew he had to tread carefully, she was hurt and damaged, and did not need some man panting after her. So he did not do those things, but stayed by her side, for even if he hadn't felt the stirrings of protectiveness and desire for her, it was only right that someone prevent the violence against her.

But how could he confront the High King? Who would believe him? No one, everyone thinks that this...monster is the best thing to have ever graced this land. Fools. Blind. Can they not see? Rolling over Caspian knew that people never saw what they didn't want to see. And this was such an abomination that no one would want to see it. He didn't want to see it. Now that he had though, Caspian would not let it continue. Getting up from his palette, he wandered around the How. These thoughts plagued him, almost more than the question of what to do about Miraz and his army. Going over to check on Susan, he saw that her palette was empty. A shock of worry rent him, but another glance showed that Peter's still contained the High King comforting him.

If I thought no one would miss the bastard, I would rid Susan of him now, walking away from the sleeping area, he went in search of the Gentle Queen.

He found Susan sitting on a scout ledge, looking at nothing.

Coughing to grab her attention, "M'lady?"

Startled, she turned, her hair down and whipping around, like he'd never seen it before, Caspian saw tears dripping off her chin in little rivulets, "Please, leave me alone."

"I am sorry m'lady, that is a thing I cannot do," sitting next to her, offering one of the cloths he used to clean his sword - it was all he had. "No one should be alone with their tears." When she did not take the cloth from him, Caspian leaned over, taking her chin in his hand, "Forgive me my forwardness," ignoring Susan's flinch, and dabbed away the moisture tenderly. "If it is something you wish to speak of, I am here, and will never judge you harshly," willing her to look into his eyes, to see how he meant his words.

Something flashed in the cerulean depths, but was quickly stamped down, "It's nothing."

"Then I wonder how bad something must feel, if this is nothing," muttering as he tucked the tear-stained rag next to his heart. Resting his elbows on his knees, Caspian watched Susan watching him from the corner of his eye. She thought he wouldn't notice, but he did. Minutes ticked by, and her tears had long since stopped before he spoke again. "I always thought having siblings would be a boon. What do you think of it?"

She jerked, her eyes shooting wide, "Pardon?"

"In fact, I always wished I had an older brother or a younger one. Someone to watch my back," carefully picking his words, still watching her watch him. "Someone to grow up with. Someone to share laughter with. A playmate, a confidante, a friend. What are friends like? I do not know, for I have had none. But you," turning his head, studying her face, "you have been blessed it would seem. Lucy is such fun, always a bright and happy thing. And Edmund, ever thoughtful, and quite a bit of fun to mock or be mocked by." Taking a deep breath Caspian forged ahead, "And Peter - he is an interesting one. Very protective... Protective to the point of possessiveness."

Susan shivered, "Yes he is."

"Tell me about it," urging, taking her hand in his, "Tell me what it is like for you."

"I'm sorry Caspian, I should go to bed," and he let her go as she stood up.

But calling over his shoulder as she started to walk away, "Is it normal for a brother to watch his sister's hips sway?" It was pitched just for her ears, "And is it normal... for him to kiss her as a man kisses a woman?"

"What are you talking about?" she hissed at him, but he could see the fear in her eyes.

Holding out his hand, he waited for her to come and take it, and he let out a sigh of relief when she did - she had come to him, "I have seen many things my Queen. I have seen... fathers look to their daughters as wives enough times to know what I saw."

Shuddering, "What you saw...?"

"In the woods," his heart breaking as Susan held in a sob. Opening his arms, but not pulling her to him - it was her choice, "I saw and what is more heard, things that should not happen I do not think. But... I could not stop it. I did not know how." Touching her chin, lifting it just enough for her to look at him, "But I will stop it how ever I may. This... thing.. it brings you pain - I can see it. Do not deny it," even as she shook her head, these were hard things he was saying, "Tell me how to stop it and I will."

Susan threw herself into his arms, shaking and crying in great soul burning sobs, "It's my fault."

Hugging her and rocking side to side, not moving his hands, not wanting to remind her - or himself - of the woods, "No, no it is not."

"Yes it is. If.. if I weren't so pretty, or.. If I hadn't hugged him so much, or -"

Cutting her off, "Nonsense. You did not ask for -"

"Yes I did! I did once..." the guilt on her face, the self-loathing made Caspian want to get up and eviscerate Peter right then right there. It was one of the hardest things he ever did in his life - restraining himself from rending flesh from bone at this.

This was for her, he must stay calm, he must not act like Peter despite the boiling in his blood, "Explain then, and I shall counter it, for no matter what - how he acts now is not.. as a man should to a woman let alone a sister. You are no mere possession, no mere toy to be.. " hiding how much the word was acid in his mouth, "bedded at a whim."

"I... I loved him once... like... like that," his heart twisted at the thought, but something in how she said it - she had been naught but an innocent, only loving someone because she did.

Her words spilled into his ears, filling his mind up with many things, but most of all they filled him with a need to take the pain from her.

I will not let another harm befall you my... my Susan...

XXX

Why is she laughing with him? fuming as he spun away from the image. Every time he meant to speak to Caspian, to tell him that Susan was not for filthy arrogant boys who thought that she was a pretty prize, the bastard was with Susan. And the few times he'd tried to step aside with Caspian were thwarted by her. Growling, he did not like this. It was worse than when Giles had started courting Susan in Narnia in that time before.

Worm. That's what he is, insignificant. I better get him his throne and soon, so that we can leave this place. Ah! If only I had known being here was worse trouble than living in England now...

He loved Narnia heart and soul, but this time it was apparent they wouldn't stay, not when there was a king already picked to rule. Not only that it would be harder to keep men from Susan this time, not when they were living in the same place - when they'd merely been guests at Cair Paravel that'd been a different matter entirely. Now Peter wouldn't be able to turn away suitors as easily, for they'd be everywhere, trying to take what was rightfully his. So the only logical solution was to take care of Caspian's problem then, and then Peter and his siblings could go home. Home were he was their protector, where they looked up to him and loved him. Home... where Susan was his. All his. And they would raise Lucy and Edmund properly, shielding them, guiding them through life. Being the parents that the war tore from them. That was what was right, that was what was good.

How can I get this task finished more quickly? Damnit. If only we could get to Miraz... Wait... That's it!

Smiling triumphantly, nodding to every Narnian he passed, once again the benevolent king now that the thundercloud of anger had passed from his face. Peter would win Caspian that throne, and set things right here - then they would be gone, and it would happen as soon as Miraz's army appeared on the outskirts of the How's plain.

XXX

"I'm scared," her heart was thundering in her chest.

Caspian's hands were gentle, resting on her waist, helping her keep her balance, "You can trust me my Queen."

His voice brought shivers that raised the hair on the back of her neck, but it wasn't creepy, it was just good. Clad in a pair of his trews, Susan was trying to go into a handstand. She'd seen Caspian do a series of handsprings and then walk on his hands, legs waving in the air as he laughed, hand-walking to her one morning, and she'd wanted to learn how to immediately. The clothes she wore smelled of leather and horse and rust, and something else - sweaty Caspian. It was a heavenly scent, a perfume that intoxicated her mind.

"Are you ready?"

Nodding, Susan leaned back, allowing much of her weight to rest in Caspian's secure grasp as he bent over her. Hands brushed the green grass, and she let out a delighted laugh, as Caspian lifted her, so that her feet were no longer on the ground. Her nose wasn't far from the earth, and tipping her head at an angle she saw Caspian's boots, comfortably worn, and the edge of his scabbard. Trusting him implicitly, Susan picked up one hand, and moved it an inch forward, then the other, Caspian shuffling along with her, supporting her in his arms.

Giggling, "I'm doing it!"

He was chuckling as well, the sound warming her to her toes, "Aye that you are my Queen! Very good!"

Susan didn't get very far, but still she was laughing, when Caspian helped her get her feet on the ground again, wrapping her arms around him. Caspian picked her up, twirling her about, smiling fit to block the sun. Never had she seen something so glorious, so she kissed him. He froze, then returned it almost shyly, his lips moving slowly, as he put a gradual stop to the spinning. But still Susan's world spun, tilting this way and that, and Caspian was the only solid thing in it. She knew from what he said that he was no stranger to women, yet the gentleness of his mouth on hers was earth shaking, and she could feel him trembling with restraint. Pulling away, Susan looked at him worriedly - was it okay that she had done that?

But he only cupped her cheek, his face flushed, still smiling at her in that special way he had, making her feel that nothing could ever hurt her again. Caspian tilted his head towards her just a touch, asking permission, not demanding - and Susan knew she could say no with no consequences. Nodding, and his lips were on hers again, teasing, his tongue darting out to lick at them, and she tried to meet him, to allow him access, but he'd draw away just as their tongues would touch, drawing her into his. Oh how he tasted, like spring water and rations, of warmth and safety, and of himself. Moaning Susan pressed closer to him, wanting nothing more than to drown in him. It's never been like this...Is this what it's supposed to be like? Fun? What would it be like to have him inside me...? Would he still be so...nice?

The thought terrified her and exhilarated her.

Breaking apart from him, "Thank you."

Caspian just nodded, resting his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes, "Anytime."

Susan thought that he would change if he knew all of what had passed between she and Peter - and he had, just as she'd feared. But the change was different, instead of judging looks, and recriminations, what she'd gotten was more tenderness. Everything he did, he did gently, every time he touched her he waited for the go ahead. And while there hadn't been much of the touching, it had been different than anything she'd known since Giles - who even as kind as he had been, had been demanding. But Giles was a warrior, a slayer of man or beast, a soldier. Caspian was... he was a warrior scholar. Like her. His heart was soft and kind, feeling each drop of blood he'd ever spilt, and vowing constantly to be vigilant against excess violence. It was so overwhelming, so different, and for the first time ever in so long... things felt right.

Biting her lip, "I can kiss you anytime?"

"Anytime you want. And it will be just like that," rubbing his nose against hers, "I will not hurt you Susan."

He said my name! the realization thrilling her. Wanting to test him, to see if what he said was true, she pressed her mouth to his. Susan felt him relinquish his control to her, could feel it in his arms about her waist, and when she pulled away he followed just long enough to brush the corner of her mouth. She felt petite and feminine in his arms, yet at the same time powerful with how he looked at her. Like he would do whatever she asked of him at anytime, no matter what it was - just for a kiss.

Reaching up, she trailed her fingers along his neck, it was rough from being shaved earlier that day, taut and soft at the same time. Very much unlike Peter was, he hadn't started growing a beard once more - but that was only because he couldn't grow one currently. This stubble it felt...interesting. Checking Caspian's face as she stood up on her toes, she kissed him there. He let out a low sound of pleasure, his hands flexing on her hips, tilting his head granting her better access.

"Caspian?" mumbling against his neck.

"Aye?" it sounded breathy. Do I do that to him?

"Um...would...would you like to...touch me?"

He choked, his arms spasming around her, then relaxing, "More than anything." But instead of following up on it, Caspian pulled away, and Susan thought that she'd done something wrong until he said, "But only if it is something you want. And - you can tell me to stop at anytime. Remember that." She watched as he looked around, "And here may not be..wise."

That only left two places open to them - the How, where someone may find them, or... the woods. Shivering at the memory, and Caspian mistook it for fear.

"We do not have to do anything Susan. Maybe we should just take a walk? And talk some more? You have yet to tell me of the ships you used to sail upon."

Looking up at him, and how concerned he was, how courteous - that made up her mind.

Shaking her head, "A walk in the woods would be lovely," and whispering the last part, "and.. some touching too. I'd like that."

XXX

She has very shapely legs,it was hard not to notice in the leather breeches she wore. His clothes wrapped around her, the arms miles too long, the cuffs of the pants rolled up, and Susan was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was a struggle to keep a cool head, because as innocent as their touching had been up until this point, she may not know how far she was willing to go. He certainly wasn't sure if this was a good idea, but he wasn't going to naysay her when Susan had requested something. Caspian needed to show Susan that things were on her terms, and if that meant that they went a little faster than he thought was wise - it was still better to take a step back after taking two steps forward than no steps at all.

And ah, her smile earlier, it took his breath away seeing Susan carefree like that. It was how she should be - free, free to be herself and find joy where she could. I care not if I have a say - I will make it so. But I cannot kill Peter - it would damage Susan. Then what shall I do? glancing at her, where she walked beside him, hand held in his. Gritting his teeth - Whatever I must to protect her, I shall do. None shall pass by me to harm her. Never again.

"Caspian?"

"Hmm?"

Susan came to a halt with a tiny frown, eyes the colour of the sky worried, "Is something wrong?"

Shaking his head and smiling, "No, nothing is wrong. I merely ponder the meaning of life," my life. Your life.

"Oh," playing with his fingers, weaving them together and rubbing his knuckles, "so what have you decided about life?"

Raising their intertwined hands, laying a kiss to each of her fingers, "That it is worth living to the fullest, and that it is worth loving with all that I have to give." Watching the play of sunlight through the boughs as they gilded Susan in many colours, "And that those I love should be protected from all evils that I can stop. That...the good things are the small things, the moments of joy so that I may hold them tight to my breast. Those small things...those small things are the great things, the greatest of all."

Your smile is the brightest of them all, your happy kisses are something that I shall hold too me for eternity. And I hope to one day hold you close and know you hold me just as tightly.Be he didn't say that, he didn't want to frighten her. Because those thoughts... those spoke of permanence, of staying when Peter had said they would leave. She wouldn't though, not if Peter left as well.

"You Sir - have a silver tongue," she blushed under his gaze.

Leaning down, "It is as you say." Eyes like a cloudless day widened at his motion, "Susan, my Queen - may I kiss you?"

Caspian wasn't used to asking, he hadn't ever needed to. But he wanted to with Susan, he wanted her to know that he did want her but would always obey her wishes.

"No," her answer catching him off-guard.

But he was careful to not show it, nodding with a smile, "Then perhaps next time."

She tests me, that is what she is doing,and the thought eased his heart. If Susan was comfortable enough to explore the boundaries, then she was begining to feel safe with him. And that was what he wanted, her to have a sense of safety - for with him she was. Always.

Squeezing her fingers, "So tell me of the prows - you say that Narnian ships had heads of beasts carved on them? Fantastic, I wish I had been there to see -"

Susan cut him off, dragging his head down to kiss him. Taken by surprise, his mouth opening and in came Susan's tongue, sweeping over his, tangling. Moaning, he reciprocated ardently, almost forgetting himself. Caspian caught himself before his hands had gone to her breasts and settled them on the neutral territory of her hips, squeezing rhythmically, becoming breathless, left panting for air when Susan buried her head in his chest.

Caspian murmured a heartfelt, "Thank you," causing Susan to giggle.

"What? I said you couldn't kiss me, but I never said I wouldn't kiss you," her full lips plump from their play, a smile scrunching up her nose.

"Ah, aye, that is so," and he feared his grin was goofy - but he couldn't care, not when she was looking at him like that. "The things you do to me Susan," sighing, wanting nothing more than to wrap himself up in her. "You make my knees weak every time you smile at me, and I feel as though the ground is rushing up to meet me when you kiss me," unable to keep the words from spilling forth. Shaking his head he looked away, "You must think me a silly fool, my Queen."

Her arms came around his torso, rubbing her face into his shirt, "No. You probably think me silly though. I get...scared..."

Giving her a firm hug, "As I said before, I will not judge you. You may trust me, and I will not hurt you. It is no wonder you get scared," taking a hopefully small liberty and curling over her enough to rest his cheek on her shoulder, "and it is alright that you are. Eventually you will not be, or will be only a little. But I shall always treat you with the respect you deserve, and if you are scared - I will heed you. Always Susan, you have my word upon it."

She smelled so good, of herself and him, his clothes covering her in his scent, and Caspian did his best to keep his lips from seeking hers at all, but didn't quite manage. Nuzzling softly at her neck before disentangling himself - she was far far too tempting - taking her hand to continue their walk.

But Susan dug her heels in, looking at him, "Caspian... I want to touch you... Is that... is that okay? Is it okay that I want that?"

His heart thundered in his chest like he'd run a thousand miles - she wanted to touch him... Chewing his lip trying to hide how very eager he was for any exploration, "It is more than alright. I would...welcome it, for you have such beautiful hands." Stepping into her, looking down, "And you may want anything you like, for if it belongs to me, it belongs to you."

As I do more surely with every minute in your presence, I am lost and I am glad of it...

XXX


	2. Chapter 2

Peter was looking for Susan, no one he asked seemed to know where she was. Frowning at yet another negative answer, Peter stalked through the How. Where is she? She better not be with that Telmarine. Containing a snarl at the thought Peter decided to try a different tack and ask as to Caspian's whereabouts - and if what he got was yet another 'I don't know Sire' then he'd know. Clenching his fists, Peter manged to rein himself in. Maybe she just wants to toy with me? To see if I'll get her something nice? Yes, maybe that's it. I haven't been taking very good care of her the last two weeks. Perhaps she's just irritated with me, and I need to make amends.

The idea didn't really comfort him though, Peter never thought Susan to be so sneaky about gaining his affection. Sighing, She's probably just testing me. To see if I still love her. Fine then, let her play her games for now. I don't have the time to fulfill her wishes, there'll be kisses and flowers aplenty later. Deciding to put his beloved sister from his mind for the time being, Peter continued his inspection of the defenses. A lot of good they'll do, particularly against a granny armed with a broom. Just think how wonderfully it'll stand up to a real attack. But the Narnian's needed something to do other than wait to die. Though Peter truly was a good king - he loved his people and would do all in his power to protect them. Even allow some idiot pretty boy rule them. Stupid idealist, nose in his books, star-gazing poncey prat. That's what he is. At least though he'll be good at rebuilding Narnia, so my people will be taken care of.

Throwing himself into cheering the Narnian's up, a kind word here, a helping hand there, a clap on the shoulder or a joke - raising their moral was the best thing he could do for them at the moment. And later - later he'd check on Susan, reassure her of his love. Let her have conversations on poetry and other useless things for now - they kept her relatively safe and out from underfoot. Wouldn't want her getting needlessly dirty, now would he?

XXX

Susan watched as Caspian sat, leaning against gnarled roots, his cheeks flushed. She didn't know how far he would let her go before demanding things in return - but more than anything her fingers itched to run through his hair, and she wanted to touch his chest. And not just through his vest and shirt. Skin on skin. Titillated Susan blushed at where her thoughts were going. He thinks I have beautiful hands, glancing down at them Susan tried to see what Caspian saw. But all that she could see were the callouses from her bow string and how red her knuckles were from working.

"Susan?" Caspian's voice was full of that curious sweet reverence he always used when saying her name.

Flicking her eyes up from studying her hands she gave him a wan smile, coming to kneel at his side, "I'm fine." Doing her best to not think about how rough her hands probably felt to him, Susan leaned forward, palms hovering just over his cheeks.

"You do not have to always be 'fine'," he reached for her hand, pausing, closing his eyes as though to gather himself, "I am not always well. No one is always 'fine'." Espresso, deep and dark, pinned her, "You do not have to hide from me. And... I will not hide from you either."

Shivering under the onslaught, "What would you have to hide from me?"

The leaves rustled as he shifted, and she could feel his heat, Caspian was so close, not quite touching her, "That I have worries and fears. That... I wonder how best to proceed with you, to ensure your happiness." He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, drawing her eyes there, "That I am afraid I will scare you. If... if I am not always cautious, ever vigilant of keeping myself in check - that I will lose any chance I have with you. That I will not be able to make the best of each moment because of it."

"Why..." reaching for the only comfort available - Caspian - and wrapping her arms around him, "Why go to so much trouble for me?"

She could feel his breath on her neck as he spoke, "Because you deserve to be treated well. And..." Susan could feel his trembling as he wrapped her in his arms, "and never have I met someone who makes me feel at peace when I should be quaking in fear. Now instead of the uncertainty and fear I felt before you came, I am filled with a reason to rid Narnia of Miraz, and a reason to be strong." Was that his heart or hers that hammered like a drum in her ears? "I have a reason to defend what is right beyond the fact that it is the right thing to do. Do not mistake my meaning - I would have fought and died for the Narnians, but now I must succeed. I cannot fail. And yes, I still fear tomorrow. But," Susan could hear him gulping, "I still hope for it too."

Something welled up inside Susan, a need to ease him, to sooth away his stresses the way he did so willingly for her. I want to treat him well too. I want to treat him the way he treats me. Quaking inside, yet shoving it away, Susan pulled him with her as she lay back on the ground. Forgetting that she wasn't in a dress, that she was in his clothes, Susan fumbled for the ties to his trews trying to fee him from them.

"Su-susan?" he sounded confused, holding his weight off of her.

Only focusing on her hands and trying to not let him see how they shook, "I... I want you."  
In a sudden movement, Caspian rolled them over, so she was laying atop him, her hands trapped between them, "Why?"

"What?" the question took her off guard with its simplicity, with how steady he sounded. Checking his expression, all she saw was concern.

Caspian took one of her hands, wrapping his fingers around it, "Why do you want me? Is it because of what I said? Or is it because... you feel that you should?"

Shaking her head, "I want to be good to you. I don't want you scared that you'll... scare me. And if we just... you know... then you'll feel better."

"I will feel better?" Caspian sighed, then hugged her, Susan went willingly despite being unsure, He'll take me now. "We do not need to do anything for me to feel better," tucking her closer, "I feel better just talking with you. Being near you. And when you smile all the world disappears, for there is no greater magic than that which is found when you laugh and smile and are happy."

He can't mean that, he can't! No one's like that! getting angry, trying to cover the terror that he really was like that - because Peter used to say things like this when he held her, yet now? Now I'm just a possession to him, now oh god what am I doing? Suddenly Susan felt ill, and rolled away from Caspian, ignoring his worried words, as she stumbled off to empty the contents of her stomach.

Strong arms embraced her, a hand holding back her hair, soothing words repeated over and over again. She didn't like how weak she felt, she couldn't take it, she was always in control of herself, even when Peter demanded her attention. Even if she couldn't help but have a piece of her enjoy what the two of them did, which is why she knew she was bad. Why she didn't deserve the warmth and security Caspian was offering to her. There was no way she was good enough for it. And that hurt most of all - because she wanted it.

"I'm dirty," she croaked, clutching Caspian.

"You are no such thing," Caspian sounded so sure of it, so confident, that part of her fervently believed that he believed it - even if it wasn't true.

"I am..."

Caspian was shaking his head, holding her securely in his arms, "No, you are not. Listen to me, please, hear me," his voice became urgent. Susan tried to look at him, but it was so hard. One of Caspian's hands came up, cupping her cheek, helping her look into his eyes, "You. Are. Not. Dirty. You are beautiful, inside and out. You love, you have such a great capacity to love... You are strong, you stand tall and fight tooth and nail to protect those you care for - from the meanest creature to those of your blood."

I don't feel strong, but Susan couldn't say it. I feel weak, scared, oh god you scare me. I scare me, unable to do more than cling to him, seeking solace, just wanting to forget. At first she wasn't aware of what she was doing, until Caspian groaned, causing her eyes to snap open. Her mouth was on his neck nipping and sucking, What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Continuing, Susan buried her hands in his hair, massaging his scalp. Caspian's grip on her remained gentle and she could feel his pulse throbbing against her lips, taste the sweat on his skin. Shocked by her boldness, confused by why she even wanted to do this, but never wanting to stop nonetheless. Desperate, Susan moved her mouth over his neck, to an ear, nibbling, eliciting a growl then kissing his cheeks, his chin, forehead, eyes, all over his face but always avoiding his lips. Something was driving her, maybe it was her need to escape, maybe it was the sounds Caspian couldn't seem to help but make, or maybe it was the feeling that was sweeping from deep inside - thick and powerful and raw, wholly unsafe, wholly secure in one. Or maybe it was all the above.

Pulling away from him, holding his face in her hands, watching as his eyes fluttered open, "I want to believe it."

"You will, I will make sure of it," and that was why she wanted to kiss him, to touch him.  
Resting her forehead on his jaw, "I still want to... touch you some. Is that okay?"

"I am not sure if that is the wisest course of action for you and your state of mind," Are his lips fuller? I didn't even kiss his mouth... even as he bit his lip, the pearly white sinking into the pinked skin.

"I still want to," and she did, Susan couldn't get the sounds he'd made out of her head. "Please?"

Caspian looked unsure, but nodded, giving her a smile, "You can stop or start anytime."

Laying him back, Susan worked on the fastenings to his jerkin, easing it off of him. Concentrating on watching his face, to see if what she was doing was still okay with him, Susan leaned down pressing her mouth to the hollow of his throat, hands stroking over his chest, Caspian's so warm. His chest is so.. broad yet.. skinny? No - lanky, he's wiry and sinewy. That's what he is. Flexibly strong, yes - like a dancer almost... He flows like water when he moves. Tracing the definition through the linen of his shirt, hesitating before traveling south, to the taut muscles of his stomach. He wasn't heavily ridged the way Peter was when fully grown, but the strength was just as apparent. Long and compact at once, and Susan wanted to see him, to see how he looked bare-chested. Would he look as good as he felt? Leaning back, Susan noticed that Caspian's eyes were almost glowing taking purposefully deep lungfuls of air as though to keep steady. Chewing her lip, Susan inched his shirt up to just under his ribs.

"C-could you?" stammering and gesturing at it, in a fumbled request for Caspian to remove the material, feeling too shy to do it herself.

"As you wish," curling up and dragging it over his head, and Oh my, Susan's mouth went dry. Caspian was lean, but the muscle was corded over his frame, evidence of many years of hard training having moulded him into a well honed weapon. A stroke to her cheek broke her from her trance, "Susan, do you need to stop?"

Shaking her head to clear it, "No. But.. Caspian? How did you get so many scars?"

He looked away then back at her, his eyes mournful, "Miraz was very strict when it came to my training. No armour, no shield, just my sword and dagger to guard me against a live blade." Caspian ran his hand over a particularly nasty ropey white growth that went from right shoulder to the bottom of his left side, "I believe I was to have a.. training accident this time. And this one?" tracing a star-shaped pucker on his abdomen, "Was from a 'misfired' crossbow."

Tears welled in her eyes, and her heart twisted so hard in her chest she thought it would tear itself free. Touching him gently, reverently on those spots, "I am so, so sorry Caspian. That's... horrible."

His lips twitched as he shrugged, "I survived. And - at least it was good training. I have had cause to value the lessons taught to me by these things." Stroking her wrist, so that shivers went down her spine, "I am very familiar with the twang of a released bolt, and am quite good at dodging them. And I am one of the greatest fencers of my people - few can get past my defenses."

It was said so matter-of-factly, totally absent of pride, that Susan had to believe him. Pressing on his shoulders so he would lay down once more, Susan examined each scar that marred his perfect skin, and running her fingers over the downy soft straight hairs that were dusted over his pecs, narrowing to a straight line down to his navel, disappearing into the top of his pants. She wanted to kiss away the painful memories she could tell he had from each wound, even though part of her thought it silly. How could a kiss to a long healed hurt ease him? Deciding to not question the urge though, Susan paid loving attention to each one, needing to erase his agony with her lips. So close she could smell him even stronger than before, and taste traces of him on her lips, suffusing her with warmth. The larger marks were licked as though to cleanse Caspian of everything.

"Susan," his voice hitched, filled with emotion, and his hands tangled in her hair, tugging it free from the loose braid.

Glancing up she could see moisture in his eyes, something there more than just heat or kindness filling them. Susan knew she should be terrified of that look, should just get up and flee, but oddly - she felt no need to do so. Only to ease him, to show Caspian that he deserved to be - Susan's mind froze before finishing the thought. Fighting past the mental wall through sheer will alone, He deserves to feel loved.

XXX

Oh what is she doing to me? repressing the shaking of his limbs, holding in the gasps of pained awe as her mouth moved over his torso. It was unstudied yet sensual to the point of agony - particularly when she was holding his gaze as the pink of her tongue darted out and lapped along the worst scars. Caspian was simultaneously touched beyond belief and hard to the point of wanting to just die from the torture. Oh souls of my forefathers! when the moist heat of her lips ghosted over a nipple to his collarbone. Mad, yes mad, that is what I am for thinking I could merely sit here and keep any sort of self-control with her touching me like this! Still Caspian fought desperately to keep his hands from urging her lower, to the loose ties of his trews, and if she noticed his plight she disregarded it in almost-innocence. That was what brought him up short - the reminder that she truly was innocent, despite anything she and her twisted sibling had done. Calm once more, yet still moved to some weird height where all he wanted to do was roll her under him, and return the favour, cleaning her with his hands, lips, mouth, and tongue the same way she was doing to him. Erasing the pain, that is what she is doing to me... As tender as that thought was, it had hard on it's heels, Either that or killing me.

"Susan," trying not to sound needy. "Susan - please?"

She froze like a startled deer, eyes wide, "Yes?"

Swallowing thickly, "May I please, just, please let me just hold you some." Clarifying, "Nothing more, do not worry, I just... I.."

Somehow he realized she understood, Is this how she felt earlier?

Wrapping his arms around her, tucking her into his side, Caspian let out a sigh of relief. Everything was swirling around him, and he was dizzy, feeling as though he'd run a marathon. It was only heightened by the way Susan kept tracing little patterns on his skin, but at the same time it eased the aching.

"You're heart is beating really fast," Caspian could feel her mouth moving as she spoke, the little puffs of air caressing his flesh.

"Aye, that it is."

His eyes were closed, just trying to let the peace she brought him wash away his sins and his hurts, If I can bring but a shadow of what the succor you give me to you Susan, then I know all will be right and good.

Quiet for some time, with his arm draped over her side, massaging her hip through the leather of her borrowed breeches, his other hand running aimlessly up and down her fingers and wrist, Caspian felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. He belonged in Susan's arms with her relaxing against him like this.

"Why?"

Breaking from his reverie with a twitch, "Pardon?"

Glancing at her, seeing her frown in concentration, "Why did it beat so fast?"

"Because," trying to gather his thoughts, "because it felt good. Very good." How very wonderful with words you are Caspian! I may as well have stuttered. She makes me feel like an idiot sometimes... Which made him quirk his lips in the barest of grins.

"Oh," Susan rubbed her cheek on his chest, her easy acceptance of his insufficient explanation heartwarming in it's softness. "Caspian? Would it feel good if you did that to me?"

Thinking his answer through instead of sputtering out his first thought - I should hope so! - Caspian huffed pondering it. Brushing her hair from her face, "I would hope it would, but, it was a bit overwhelming for me and I am.. well. I am accustomed to intimate touch feeling - good. Safe. It is what I would wish for you to feel if I touched you like that. But it can be scary too."

"Oh." Wiggling around so that she could look into his eyes, "I make you feel safe?"

Nodding, "Yes."

Her eyes widened as though the thought had never occurred, "Oh." Then she smiled, a smile fit to make Caspian think he had reached paradise, "I'm glad - you make me feel safe too."

XXX

God she's beautiful. Coming up behind her, Peter's arms went about her waist and she leaned back with a smile, "Su." He felt her stiffen and the smile faded at the sound of his voice. Tugging her in closer, his chin came to rest on her shoulder, "You look particularly beautiful tonight."

"Peter," she smiled, and in comparison to the one he'd gotten earlier - it was quite weak. But Peter didn't notice - he didn't want to. "Thank you."

Turning her around in his arms, Peter grinned - the one that made women melt and always got him his way - "We haven't had much alone time lately. I was thinking we could spend some together. What do you say?"

"I... I have some things to do," looking away from him.

"Oh don't be like that Su, it's been too long. I need you," his voice went deep, rough around the edges, as he leaned in to kiss her temple.

"I...really have some chores left over. There's supplies to sort -"

Cutting her off with a kiss, groaning knowing that she was just playing coy, Peter pressed her mouth open with his. Disengaging, panting against the side of her face, "Su. You don't have any undone chores. Except one." Pinning her with his eyes, "Go to the north edge of the woods. I'll follow you in ten minutes. If you're not there I'll be very irritated."

We need to have a little talk. Waiting several minutes Peter tracked Susan, satisfied that she was going to where she was supposed to. Casually Peter made sure no one noticed their leaving, it had taken alot of trouble for him to catch Susan alone, some misdirection here and an order there, and there was no way he'd waste his chance. God how I ache to feel her, it's been far too long. Weeks, god she's never made me work so hard. Oh how she makes me burn for her. Susan, little Susan - you're going to pay for how naughty you've been.

Quiet as a mouse Peter slipped near her, where she was shivering, rubbing her arms slowly. Oh don't worry sister, I'll warm you up, my love...Leaning his shoulder on a tree trunk, arms crossed and smiling, Peter stepped on a twig making Susan jump in startlement. Her chest heaved with each rapid breath, creamy pale skin he knew every inch of beckoning him.

"So, it's time to stop playing with me Su," raking her with his eyes, from the green shift that peaked from the pleats of the blue overdress, up the bodice where she came close to popping out. He'd forgotten about that dress. "You've had your fun avoiding me, the games stop now." Unbelting his sword, Peter started to unlace his trews, this was going to be fast and hard, no time for niceties. Peter needed her, and had needed her weeks ago, he was just waiting to drive between her sweet thighs, to hear her sighs in his ears, so he could go over the brink. Reaching out Peter snagged her arm, swinging her around so her back thudded against the tree trunk, "I want those skirts up by the time I'm done unlacing my pants."

Susan hadn't said a word, just shook, standing there frozen. Frowning, "Su, what's wrong?" Grabbing handfuls of her dress, he hiked them up, as he pressed his body against hers, not yet penetrating, "Didn't you miss me Su?" Hoisting Susan up Peter let her feel him and how hard his prick was, "Su," drawing her name out seductively, "be nice to me Su." Kissing the tops of her breasts, his tongue ran between the mounds, "If you're not I'll take it out of his hide."

That got a reaction, and her legs wrapped around his waist, hands pushing on the tops of his shoulders, opening herself up to him. So, it's worse than I thought. I've figured you out though, and he smiled as he rammed himself into her, I know how to make you look at me. I know! Leaning in close as his hips began to thrust hard, "Su, tell me you love me." When she didn't respond other than to keep her eyes closed, "Tell me! I'll hurt him, you know I will."

"I love you," it was tremulous, filled with emotion.

You feel for him, and not me? Can't deny it, damn you, why don't you love me? Why do you make me hurt you like this?Short hard thrusts into the clasping wet, Peter grunted pounding into Susan until his orgasm ripped through him like bitter claws. Holding her tight, he wasn't at peace - so long as she was blinded by that damn boy things would be like this. Oh how he hated it when Susan did this to him. First Giles and now that ass. It was no matter though, things would return to normal once the Telmarine was out of the way.

Collecting himself, "We need to have a little talk."

"About?"

"You and Caspian," spitting the name. "I know about your little walks down by the creek." Susan looked at him horrified, and he smirked, "What? You didn't think I wouldn't find out? I tell you what Su - I'll let you keep playing with him, though it comes at a price. Besides, he's interested in all that crap you are, wouldn't want your mind to get rusty, do we? And we both know who you belong to, who you love and who loves you in the end."

"Why?"

Kissing her forcefully, "Because I love you and I'm generous. You just need to be reminded that no man can love you but me. The others? They just want to use you. When he breaks your heart - you'll come to me, begging."

"No."

Irritated by her show of rebellion, "What? You want me to kill him instead?"

"I won't go to you begging," but he could feel how she trembled.

Ah what poison has he been feeding you? Maybe I should kill him - just on principle. But if I do that then Narnia will need a ruler and ugh, we'll have to stay and I am not willing to have to fight off every one of your suitors again. Arg - grant me strength.

Shaking his head, "Of course you will. You did when Giles died."

"You promised me you wouldn't mention him again," her voice was cracking.

"And you promised you'd love only me," hissing. At that Susan flinched, and Peter softened, kissing her once more, "You know I don't like upsetting you Su. I love you. Now - you may play with your Telmarine. But remember - if he ever finds out about what a whore you've been in the past - he'll throw you out like last week’s trash. No one can see the real you the way I can Su."

See? I love you, I can be patient. Oh god I just want him dead! There's no reason I should have to share you. But if this is what you think you want - well I'll show you that he isn't, remind you that it's just me. Me! You'll see that I make every sacrifice for you, always... Watching as she walked away Peter tried to contain his anger and his betrayal that she was so intrigued by Caspian that she'd tell him that she loved him - just so he wouldn't harm a single hair on Caspian's head. I won't kill him, but I can hurt him. Just like he's hurting me. The smile curving his lips so dark it transformed his face into something no one would recognize. Jealousy did that to one.

XXX

"My Queen!" Caspian caught hold of her as she was running to their meeting place.

Frightened she looked up at him, struggling in his grasp, "Let go."

Caspian's face hardened, taking her chin between two fingers, tilting her head this way and that, "Fuck."

The expletive caught her off guard - she didn't even think he knew that sort of word - his eyes glinting like obsidian, frightening her, "Caspian?"

His eyes scrunched shut, a frown twisting his mouth as he pulled her to him, choking, "I have failed you."

"No you haven't," not wanting Caspian to feel bad for her own mistakes.

"No Susan, I have," something hot dripped onto her breasts where they were pushed up in her corset. Tilting her head back, it was a struggle to get a good look at Caspian's face at this angle - he was hiding from her, "With everything I had in me, I vowed I would not let him lay another hand on you. He did, did he not? Do not deny it, otherwise you would not look so distraught yet flushed."

"It's not your fault, it's mine," It's my fault - I didn't try to stop him. Wanting nothing more than to wash herself free of the touches, guilt tearing at her insides, But I don't want to hurt Peter either, he's my brother and I love him. How can I explain that?

Caspian went to his knees before her, No! What are you doing? Why... don't cry for me - don't! I'm not worth your pain, his arms going around her waist, shoulders shaking. Not knowing how to comfort him, Susan held his head pressed to her abdomen. They stayed like that for what felt eternity, Susan feeling his raw emotions, how they beat at the air, I can't let him get hurt because of me. It's selfish, it's not right. He's so good... he deserves wonderful things, not.. not a whore like me. Peter's right - no one should love me.

Visibly composing himself, Caspian gathered her close, sitting her in his lap as he leaned back, "What did he do?"

"Nothing," even though she felt filthy now instead of the vague unease she'd always had before, she never thought anyone would treat her any different. Laying her head on his shoulder, cradled in Caspian's arms, Susan knew that he was one of a kind - the only man who would be so kind, filled with an easy strength that seeped into everything he did. From how he could be so gentle with her, to taking care of the Narnians - a people that he'd adopted willingly, even though they were not his, doing whatever he could to right the wrongs done to them.

Sighing, Caspian kissed carelessly on the cheek, "As you wish, I will not press you if you cannot speak of it."

Shocked, Susan stared at him, He kissed me even though he knows... touching the place where his mouth had breezed over her skin. For some reason that eased Susan more than anything else he could have done, as though she was still fit for him to caress like that despite how grubby and disgusting she felt.

"You have to be careful Caspian, he knows," mumbling unable to stop herself from sinking further into his arms.

Snorting, "Let him. He will not dare cross me, my Queen, for then he would have to reveal what he has done to give the people a reason." Fingers were moving through her hair, the motion soothing even though unasked for, as though he could not resist, "And I will not give him one for an excuse either. He plays a game of wits and intrigue - not knowing that I was raised on politics, surrounded by the most vicious of Lords and the most cunning of teachers." Caspian's countenance was unforgiving, stern, as he stared off into the distance, despite that his caresses on her stomach and neck still heartachingly soft, "The Narnians and I would not survive if it was not for you and your siblings, that is true, and Peter is the more experienced strategist - but I was born to rule. Raised to rule. Leading others, commanding others may not come naturally to me as it does to him - but that does not mean I am not as good at it as he is. That being said, he underestimates me, and my ability to protect you while not giving him cause to call me out. If he cannot call me out without exposing himself - he will not. Even if it is his desire."

Worried, "Will you call him out?"

Caspian stilled, not even breathing, then searched her face, "Do you wish me to?"

"No," I don't want him hurt either. I just want him to stop. That's all. And you underestimate him too...

"Then I shall not do so," smoothing her hair down, the hardness dropping from his face, eyes softening as he gazed into hers. "I will do what is necessary for the Narnians, for the Telmarine people, and for you Susan. No matter what. But - remember this, you come first."  
It was as though he said something other than that, as though he was saying that he loved her. Glad he hadn't said those three words, and instead said so many more, speaking of trust, and priority rather than love... that nebulous thing... Caspian whispered of trust, promising something that Susan believed he could deliver if anyone could. Maybe one day he'll say it and I'll say it back.

XXX

How could it have gone so wrong? walking beside Susan, a bedraggled group of soldiers tramping behind them. Glaring at Peter's back, You fool! You should have listened to me! Caspian was fighting to stay calm, never had he been closer to calling the High King out than now - not even when he'd found out what he'd been doing to Susan. It was too many things, piled up too deep, and too close together. He was just waiting to snap.

"Ask him," Peter's disgust dripping and whipping at Caspian like acid.

"What? You could have called it off - there was still time," trying to stay reasonable, to be the better man. I am the better man. I do not force myself upon others the way you do...

"No, thanks to you there wasn't!" Oh how can you look at me like that? Pin it all on me? You just think you know everything, do you not? Take your own share of the blame! as Peter walked away.

"Hey!" the shout was strangled, even though he wanted to let it go into a roar, "I am not the one who abandoned Narnia."

Peter rounded on him, "No - you're people invaded Narnia. You're the ones who shouldn't be here - you. Your father. You're all the same!" Caspian was trying to walk away, trying to keep his cool when he couldn't vouch for a level head. But that - that was too much.

Out came his sword, a cry torn from his throat, until Susan's voice ripped through his rage.  
"Stop it!"

Oh Susan, my Queen... Forgive me, re-sheathing his sword, Caspian stalked off, waving away any one who came near. He needed to be alone.

Inside the How, Caspian stared at the paintings on the wall, particularly at Susan, How can fix this? I can not afford to lose my temper like that again. Not that I could afford it this time either. What I wouldn't give for a solution...

Nikabrik interrupted his train of thought, "Are you so happy for that magic horn now?"

Why must you bother me now my friend? Can you not see I am in no mood? Your sarcasm will not cheer me this day, "Go ahead and gloat, get it over with Nikabrik, for I am not feeling up to dealing with it for long."

"Ah, see I am not here to do that," approaching closer. "You've tried one ancient power. See how well that worked? But there's another power, that is greater still..."

Frowning, "Oh?" At this point, I would take anything that works.

Two more figures came into view, cloaked in shadows, Witches? I did not know that Nikabrik new their ilk... They would have been helpful in the raid, confident that they wouldn't attempt anything untoward. Such was the folly of youth - invincibility was an illusion that Caspian knew better than to trust, but at times forgot the lessons learned as a child and a young man. Without realizing it he was pinned, frozen as a hideously beautiful woman appeared before him.

'What is it you want most young Caspian?' thoughts like honey poured into his mind.

'Susan... Happy and well. Narnia and Telmar joined together without fear or hate...' entranced by the drug in his mind, 'Peter punished. Love. I want Susan's love. I want the people content and ruled well... I want my throne... Children... '

'Take my hand, come, come Caspian take my hand and all that shall be yours...'

A tiny part was preventing him, even though he so very much wanted to take her hand... At what price? At what price? it chanted quietly, pulling against the tug that was dragging him forward. Rapture buffeted at his brain, and it was so very hard to think...

Something slammed into him, pain ripping through his skull, and for a moment Caspian was grateful to Peter - The only time that would ever happen I think..!

But it was taking little time for Peter to be drawn in, and Caspian knew the thoughts the High King was being shown. Disgusted but still paralyzed from the mind-rape, unable to stop him. Fighting, struggling, Caspian dragged himself to his feet, knowing he had to stop this, had to prevent anything more from happening. But she was still singing in his mind, at the edges, making his movements slow. Too slow. The ice shattered with a scream, leaving Edmund standing there, looking sympathetic yet disappointed, resigned in both of them. Glancing around Caspian spied Susan, giving the harshest glare to Peter he'd ever thought she'd given him. Then those beautiful eyes locked on his and Caspian felt shame. Shame greater than anything he'd ever known before, and he couldn't maintain her gaze. Checking Peter, planning on stopping him from following her however he had to, he saw the High King just starring at her back, forlorn.

It was then it occurred that maybe Peter really did love Susan, as twisted as the idea was. Staying as neutral as always did in his presence, Caspian studied him. In front of him was a man in love, no matter how dark and forceful it was. And that gave him pause - it made Peter unpredictable, for in his mind he was only protecting what he felt belonged to him. Repressing a shudder when those dark blue eyes locked on him, Caspian nodded his thanks at Peter's timely intervention, and also it was an acknowledgement of rivalry. Whether the King knew it or not. I will bar you from her given the chance. And if I am not given one - I shall make one. If it breaks your heart - what of it? So long as she is rid of you with minimal damage to her psyche - it will be done. Mark my words High King - you may have been a man once, but you are a boy now, and I am the man between the two of us. You have no chance to succeed. None.


	3. Chapter 3

How must I earn your love again Susan? Peter frowned watching as Susan stormed off. Why won't you love me anymore? Why do I have to force you to talk to me? To hold me? Feeling eyes on him, Peter glanced over remembering Caspian's presence. With a frown he accepted Caspian's wordless thanks. But there was a spark buried deep in those dark eyes that unsettled Peter. Ignoring the prince as he left, Peter stared up at the relief of Aslan, Why didn't you show yourself to me? Don't you know I needed you? That we needed you?

Disheartened, Peter sat, wishing that it was Susan and not Lucy who came to stay with him. Aslan, your people need you. There's only so much I can do alone... I'm so divided. We're going to die - the Narnians and my family. Must I prove myself to you as well as Susan? There's no time though! None! Haven't I done enough? I can't protect them on my own Aslan. I just can't.

Coming to a decision Peter got up, giving Lucy a one-armed hug, before trying to find a last quiet moment with Susan before their eventual deaths. Finding her surprisingly alone, Peter was sure that Caspian would have been with her, he approached quietly. She was fletching arrows frantically, bundling them together, as though a few extra shafts would make all the difference in the world. His fingers ached to twine through her hair, run over her breasts and touch her wetness. But most of all he hurt, he wanted those happy days back when they ruled. Where she smiled for him shyly when he kissed her. When she'd come to his bed at night from a bad dream for comfort. The first time he'd kissed her, the first time he'd touched her, Susan had blushed, unsure. He'd been unsure too, he just knew he wanted to make her feel good, to feel better, to ease the memories of the White Witch. And he almost brought her back! Ugh.. not that I wasn't tempted too. Oh god Su, I'm so sorry. I know how much she scared you, never want you to be unsafe.

Swallowing, Peter cleared his throat, "Su?"

"I so do not want to talk to you right now Peter! I don't want to hear it!" she snapped.

Flinching, Peter looked down at the ground, "Please," saying the one word he knew would always soften her.

Watching as she pressed her hands to her face, elbows on the table, "What?"

Making himself comfortable next to her, tugging one of her hands into his, so he could look at her, "I love you."

"Prove it," and she got up leaving him without a look, and Peter realized - he didn't know her anymore.

Fine. I will. I'll do what has to be done. I'll save you, Lucy, Edmund, the Narnians - and I'll see that damned upstart on his throne. That should do, shouldn't it?

XXX

Susan was angry, enraged, beyond belief. How could they? Peter should have known better, but at the same time Susan understood that Peter could have been tempted easily - there were many things he wanted and he wasn't as strong of morals as most thought. But Caspian? You're supposed to be stronger than that! Better...Struggling to regain her calm as she vaulted into Destrier's saddle, while Caspian lifted Lucy up behind her, Susan couldn't even look at him. They were going to die, the hope that Lucy would make it in time slim. She would have wanted to spend her last time with Caspian, to find out finally how he would treat her as he bedded her, but now that opportunity was gone. Which was another thing that upset her to no end. I wanted to tell you... But she couldn't not with Lucy there, not with the anger burning in her breast still, and not with the minutes ticking by, trickling away too fast to catch.

His hand on her ankle was gentle as he adjusted the stirrups, "Destrier has served me well, you are in good hands," the faintest of tremors in his voice. Begging, begging her to look at him.

"Or hooves!" Lucy giggled.

Glancing down, she saw everything there, the remorse laying thick enough to cut settled over his features. Susan could tell he just wanted to make it right, and that cooled the fire down some. He couldn't hold her gaze and looked away, trying to find more to say. She just wanted to reach out and touch him, run her fingers through his hair one last time. To feel how silky the curls were, to kiss his neck once more, to be safe for just a moment longer.

Watching as he fumbled at his hip, holding up her horn in his long dark hands, cradling it securely there as loving with it as he was with her, "I should give you back your horn."

"No, you keep it," this was all she could give him - her forgiveness and a token to keep safe, a piece of herself that would stay with him even though they would most likely not survive, "You may need to call me again."

Understanding flashed over his face - that and hope. Kicking his beloved horse into a canter, she sped away with Lucy clinging to her waist.

"You may need to call me again? What kind of response is that?" Lucy said derisively, the sound echoing down the stone halls.

"Shut up Luce!"

And they broke into dappled sunlight, racing as fast as they could, darting between trunks, Destrier's legs stretching out far with each gallop, thrusting them into the air, and ever forward. Forward to some slim hope, some tiny chance that Lucy could find Aslan. Susan needed that hope more than anything, she needed Caspian to live. A tiny voice in her heart also reminded her that she wanted Peter to be safe as well. Edmund was the only one she didn't worry about - he was the biggest survivor of them all, no matter what, he'd crawl to the top of the mountains of dead, alive and well.

She didn't have time to think too long, keeping her seat in the smooth rolling run, heading into the darkest parts of the forest, because no - oh no, they weren't alone. Hooves thudded, pounding louder than her heart if that was possible. Keeping an eye out for any kind of clearing where the boughs were close together at the edges so the Telmarine cavalry had to approach in a knot or single file, Susan knew she'd have to let Lucy go on her own.

Hauling on Destrier's reins, Susan slid nimbly from the saddle, "Take the reins Lucy."

"What? What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry Luce - it looks like you'll be going alone afterall," swatting the beautiful black horse's rump, Susan stared for just long enough, watching her little sister flee. Be safe Lucy, please. Please be safe. Aslan, please, protect them...

And she turned, becoming the warrior Queen she was known as, softness dropping from her face as she took careful aim. The bow quivered in her hands eagerly knowing it was to be put to use, the arrow flying free with deadly accuracy. One down. Two down. Three down. Thrown to the side as they crowded her, Susan tried to get back up, to fight, You won't have her!

An arrow was in her fist, and she tried to punch it into a soldier's leg, but was tossed to the ground. Sword raised high overhead, and Susan could do naught but stare, knowing that she would die alone, with no comfort at all. Caspian and Peter were safe though, Lucy looking for Aslan, and Edmund just waiting for the battle to begin. There was a battle cry, and clanging, her assailant hacked to pieces before a bay horse swung around, shouldering into another mount, blood flying from a flashing sword. Dizzy from the adrenaline, the battle fever pounding in her veins it took her a moment to realize it was Caspian. Oh god what are you doing here?

He was grinning as he came closer, hand out, "Sure you do not need that horn?"

Unable to help herself, Susan returned his mirth, he looked so gorgeous even covered in blood, a little splash of it on his cheek, "I'd rather you keep it close." Clambering to her feet, forgetting about skinned palms, taking hold of Caspian's hand, shoving her foot into the stirrup he freed so she could swing behind him. "And I'd rather you keep me close too," whispering into his ear, not even caring where she got the boldness to say so.

His sharp intake of breath, looking at her over his shoulder, "Always." Eyes twinkling, "Hold on to me."

"Always," she mumbled as she wrapped her ams around his waist, clinging for dear life as the horse lurched forward.

I don't think I ever could let go again, I can't face knowing I'm about to die without you... But with you, I'm fine, alive, even if I'm breathing my last breath... So many things she thought, felt, but never would say to him, knowing he needed hope. For some reason his every laugh as they rode back to the How was joyous, vibrant and full of life, as though he was sure that everything would be well.

XXX

His gut twisted seeing Peter so battered, frantically searching behind him to see if Susan was unhurt, if Lucy was safe. Do not look at her like that! Like she is your world! You are hurting her every time you look at Susan like that, it makes her soften to you... Thief! Unworthy! Even though Caspian hated Peter, he could see the man he once had been - they could have been friends, if Susan hadn't been an issue. Heart flipping in his throat as Susan hugged Peter, checking him over, concerned. The way Peter's eyes lit up at the touch despite the pain from his shoulder being wrenched was hard to see. But Caspian wasn't a cruel man, he was learning what love was like, and could notice it in others. No, I must steel myself. He is not worthy of it any longer. Though it saddens me on some level.

Having acknowledged the sympathy in his oft times too tender heart, Caspian tried to do his best to tend Peter's wounds. It would harm Susan if she lost Peter, her soul so full of love for others that she could love her abuser even though she wasn't in love with him. Edmund waved Caspian away, taking over in the care of the injured High King. He should warn Peter of Miraz's weaknesses, his strengths, but couldn't find it in himself to do so despite the very grudging desire to keep him alive. Brushing his fingers over Susan's horn at his hip, Caspian smiled - knowing he was the ultimate victor so he could spare some care for the vanquished who was willingly putting himself on the line.

The duel was both long and short, and if either man had been lesser they'd have long since fallen. In his mind he was quite aware that even Miraz's death wouldn't stop the battle that loomed darkly on the horizon. Conserving his energy in a loose parade stance, calculating the odds, the plans he, Edmund and Peter had concocted, he was far from sure of survival. But he would live, and he would throw aside all comers, cutting a swath to guard these wronged Narnians, fighting until the Telmarine Lords leading this war realized it was no use in standing against him. And then he would court Susan, showing her all the choices available to her, that he loved her with everything he had and more. Eventually she may even consent to be his wife, but either way he'd respect her wishes. Having faith in Susan, in himself, in the Narnians, Aslan - and even Peter - Caspian knew no matter what - losing was not an option to even be considered.

"It's not my life to take," the voice broke through the fog of his mind.

Surprised, Caspian eyed the hilt of Miraz's sword presented to him by the High King. His uncle on his knees, resignation and fatigue moulding his face, sure that there would be no quarter given. Taking the sword, walking as though through a dream, Caspian locked eyes with Miraz. Once this man had carried him on his broad shoulders, thrown him in the air until he was breathless with laughter. When his father had died, Miraz had comforted his crying, telling him that he had to be strong. Even knowing that Miraz had killed his father, it was hard to forget the good times. The times when he loved this man on his knees awaiting death. Caspian could feel Susan watching him, measuring his actions. Who was he? Can I kill my blood? Am I that man? Oh Susan I wish I could speak of this with you... I need your counsel. Desperately... oh please...

The weight of Glozelle's gaze was just as heavy, another man who had cared for him, and Caspian was sure the Professor had been slipped information from some source the general had sent of the plans of the night of his cousin's birth. He had been the harshest taskmaster, pushing Caspian to be the best, no matter what, and each time Caspian was to have an 'accident' the blows delivered were always just slow enough, just this side of not fatal so that he was spared. What would Glozelle tell him? "Always keep your honour my Prince, it is the one thing no one can ever take from you," that is what you would say my teacher. It was the only advice he had at his disposal.

Peter was just to his side, urging him without words to do the right thing. The just thing. A thing a king would do. To be strong. But Edmund was behind him, the Just King, only urging to do whatever he felt was right. Glenstorm waited with that eternal patience, always loyal to Caspian even though High King Peter outranked the prince.

"I was wrong - you do have what it takes to be king after all," Miraz looked down, and in that moment that was the man who had slipped him chocolates before bed. It was the man who gave him Destrier, helping him into the large horse's saddle the first time with a proud smile when he was eleven.

Pain shattered his heart, he knew Miraz needed to be punished, for all the crimes against the Telmarines, the Narnians, against his father, against him. But it hurt, oh it hurt. Feeling the tears well up, Caspian brought the sword up, preparing to kill this relative, his hand shaking so bad Caspian had to steady the blade against his injured palm. Quickly! I must do it quickly.. What of my aunt? What of my cousin? What do I do? Must I kill him to be king? Screaming, Caspian brought the blade down, only shifting it at the last second so it was buried in between stones, quivering.

"Not one like you," saying goodbye to his childhood. "You may keep your life, but I am giving the Narnians back their freedom."

Was that pride in Miraz's eyes? It was definitely satisfaction from Glozelle as though he was saying Caspian had learned his lessons well. Peter was disappointed, disbelief bordering on rage - Stow it for later boy-king. Glenstorm simply nodded as Caspian walked away, Edmund clapping him on the shoulder, but it was Susan's eyes he held - they were happy. Tilting his head back, Caspian basked until he was pulled from it by Lord Sopespian's shout.

Springing into action, Caspian vaulted to his horse, Glenstorm on his heels, racing into How.

XXX

If he had just killed Miraz this wouldn't be happening! Damnit! Why did I have to let him have a choice? Peter cut through another soldier, hacking each one as though it were that idiot Caspian. Imagining that the steel faces were Caspian's, taking his anger out on anyone hapless enough to stumble into his path. But the honourable man in Peter wouldn't take someonelse's kill from them if it was their right. And Miraz had done enough ill to Caspian that I had to. Damnable ethics. Sometimes I hate them. Large round boulders soared high over head, killing griffins, Telmarines, and Narnians indiscriminately, Seems no matter where one is - war is war. I hope Susan's watching, knowing what I'm doing for her, for us.

Caspian tore through the crowd of soldiers with the larger Narnians following him, easing the pressure on Peter's forward line, as they took down a regiment in a pincher attack.

A thrill went through Peter when he saw Caspian unhorsed, but the prince recovered quickly, fighting with as much ferocity as Peter, and he had to admire his abilities a touch. If only I could go head to head with you, I wonder how long you'd stand against me?But Susan wouldn't approve, and after the incident with the White Witch, Peter was on shaky enough ground to know that he had to tread impossibly cautiously. His shoulder was an agony but at least it was usable.

Caspian was almost back to back with him, "We need to retreat - buy time!"

Nodding, Peter yelled, "Fall back to the How! Fall back!"

The cry spread, Narnians running back, while Peter, Edmund and Caspian along with thirty or so Narnians used delaying tactics covering their backs from attack. That was when the trajectory from the boulders changed, taking out chunks of the How in thundering cracks. Eyes wide, Peter turned, terrified for Susan. His fears proved founded when the doorway was destroyed, crushing his people, and Susan fell.

Susan! Nooo!he couldn't scream it was lodged in his throat, unable to escape. But she was caught by Trumpkin, the dwarf swinging her to a ledge that she tumbled down, landing heavily.

Caspian was speeding past Peter as he stared, held immobile, Move move dammit! She needs me!He couldn't though. Susan was lifted to her feet, and Peter couldn't watch anymore, turning and continuing to fight - there was no choice. Peter could feel it though when she was beside him, so that she was between he and Caspian. Her presence was a welcome balm and fueled his battle frenzy. All the while red fletched arrows sped past him, taking out soldier after soldier.

Stamping and whirling the trio were separated and reunited throughout the battle and separated again. Trees came, great roots plowing through the earth throwing enemies this way and that, tearing them to shreds. Aslan! relief washing over him, We'll live. Thank you Aslan, thank you.

XXX

Susan was in Caspian's arms, listening to his heartbeat, reassuring herself that he was there, that he was real and that he was alive. I almost lost you... He seemed to understand, just hugging her to him, his face pressed to her neck in what had to be giving him a terrible crick. Dirty, covered in sweat and blood, some of it his, most of it others, Caspian smelled of security and home. She buried her hands in his hair, doing what she'd wanted so desperately to do earlier, kissing his throat, ignoring the coppery taste in favour of the musky male sweat that was drying there.

"I need you," Susan pulled back, staring into his eyes.

Nodding, Caspian only looked around to find a likely place. Dragged behind some bushes on the outskirts of the forest, far enough away that no one would hear or notice any rustlings, but close enough to call for help if they needed it for any reason, Susan started tearing at her battle harness. Calloused hands landed over hers, stilling their movement, long enough for Caspian to drag them up to his lips.

"May I assist?" the way he was staring at her so intently making her feel as though she were the most desirable woman he'd ever seen in his life.

Nodding, she set to relieving him of his pauldrons, steel studded jerken and vambraces. Clanking as their armour hit the ground in metallic thuds, Susan tried to get Caspian free as fast as possible. It wasn't that she was seeking pleasure, just closeness, needing it like air after the last while's events. Raising her arms as directed, her chainmail tunic dragged straight up, his greater height making it easier to remove. Jangling and wiggling a few curses uttered that made him laugh at her irritation with the metal in her hands, and finally they were both reduced to everyday wear.

His linen shirt clung to his chest, soaked still and then it was gone, spread on the ground followed by his boots kicked next to their gear. Caspian's hands paused at the ties to his pants, and Susan could see the first spark of worry enter his beautiful chocolate depths. But Susan hadn't been still as he worked and she was down to her shift, her fingers twisting in the material. Gathering her courage, Susan yanked the underdress over head, letting it drop atop his shirt. Blanking her mind she then took hold of her undergarments, the chemise that protected her from being marked by her corset, and the little bloomers, now naked and waiting. Do something... Please? I can't do anymore... I... I need you Caspian...

"You leave me... breathless..." the awe in his voice, and how he was drinking her in, shook Susan to her core.

Blushing, Susan made herself take a step to him, to unlace his trews, and taking a deep breath, she pushed them down his narrow hips. Fingers traced her collarbone drawing her eyes up to his from where she'd was staring fixedly at his navel - neither looking higher nor lower, unprepared for seeing what was awaiting her or what his face was saying. Emotions were chasing one another through his eyes, hunger, surprise, uncertainty, wonder, and... something that Susan was fairly sure was love.

Swallowing, "Do I?"

He nodded pulling one of her hands to his chest to rest over his heart, "It beats so very fast, but when I realize that this is real - it stops for a moment. Can you feel it?"

And she could, his heart drummed against his breast and her hand, thudding at breakneck speeds and then it would stutter to a stop for the briefest of seconds then pick back up. Biting her lip, "What now?"

"Now? Now I would like to kiss you if I may," Caspian leaned down but came no further, waiting for her permission, not touching her anywhere other than the hand he still held to his heart. Nodding her assent, Susan decided to try something when his lips moved over hers. Tangling the fingers of her free hand in his unruly mop of wavy chestnut hair, keeping him locked to her, Susan took the last step, bringing herself flush with him, standing on her toes to reach him properly. The move unbalanced her, but Caspian's arm came around her back, supporting her.

Every lean line of muscle was against the softer ones of her body, and Susan could feel the thatch of curls between his thighs where his manhood lay heavy with blood, ready for her. The thought was frightening but with how her own body was feeling - archery and needy - she craved the closeness of him being inside her. Separating from his mouth long enough to kiss burning trails down his neck, making Caspian moan her name, and then Susan realized she was straddling him as he sat on their clothes. Hands traveled her back, touching, stroking as he panted her name over and over again, never demanding anything in return even though Susan felt how hard he was.

"Caspian," laying a kiss to his shoulder where a large bruise was still forming.

"Yes, my Queen?" sucking in air as though it were a struggle.

"Um...how...don't you need to be on top?"

Kissing her chin, "No. You just... may I show you?" Trying to be brave, Susan smiled, which he took for what it was - consent. He directed her to lean up, with soft touches, then to guide him to her entrance, which throbbed with something wilder than it ever had before. His hands on her hips, "Do you feel me?"

"Yes," It tickles, balancing on her knees while using his shoulder for stability. Caspian's throat was working and she watched as he visibly contained a groan when she squirmed against him, And it really tickles when I do that! unable to contain a giggle at his reaction and to the stimulation. His cock hadn't quite entered her, and she thought staying like this was silly. Before Caspian could tell her what to do, Susan decided to figure it out for herself - especially since Caspian was having a very hard time speaking. Sighing, Susan sank down, eyes widening from how he stretched her, his girth more than she realized as she was filled to capacity. Throwing her head back Susan let out a shameless moan, hair falling down to touch his knees, leaning back so far. Oh god...

A strangled cry issued from Caspian, his head falling to her upthrust breasts, mouth working over the sensitive globes, his breath hot on her skin. With his arm wrapped around her waist allowing Susan to stay arched, each of her gasps pushing him deeper inside of her. Writhing in his arms, Susan could feel a familiar tingle start, but this was no mere 'tingle' - it was an inferno, a twisting and pulling at her, something that resembled neither pleasure nor pain, yet it was both, as it coalesced. It was only heightened further, when Caspian flipped his hand over and slid it down to where they were joined, stroking at the nubbin that was a hereto unexplored center of ecstasy for her. Crying out Susan ground against Caspian, frantic even as this thing was boiling from everywhere up and out and she was soaring. Wrung limp from the sensations Susan looked at her dark haired lover, how he was struggling so hard to maintain control. All of this took only minutes, seconds, but seemed as though she'd escaped reality for hours.

Draping her arms over his shoulders, "Um.. hi."

"And hello to you," he chuckled, and she could see him momentarily forget his need.

"So um.. was that supposed to happen?" blushing, and wriggling her hips against his.

"Well I was not expecting it to occur so quickly, but, then again the body is an amazing thing," laying down, the sound of leaves rustling as he planted his feet on the ground. "Ride me like a uh," Oh god I can't believe he's blushing!

"Like a what?" feeling wicked and wanting to see if she could make his dusky skin pinker, asking innocently.

Coughing, Caspian blushed deeper, whispering, "Like a horse. Just.. rock your hips like - uhn..!"

"Like that?" moaning along with him as she moved slowly trying to find a rhythm that made his neck arch and his teeth clench.

"Yes," hissing, his hands going to her breasts, fondling them. "You can, uhn, lean against my hands, yes like that... just like... Susan!" experimentally she circled her hips on a downstroke. Caspian's voice was hoarse as he murmured encouragements, hips grinding upwards to meet hers. Faster and faster Susan rode him until the joy started to come again, It can happen more than once? until it crashed over her.

"Caspian!" and then his hands were on her waist, as he thrust faster from beneath her, his thickness twitching until his eyes scrunched closed a ragged shout torn from his lungs that may have been her name.

XXX

Shit, was all he could muster for thought, as he lay spent holding Susan crushed to his heaving chest. Looking over her shoulder to the curve of her back to where it narrowed to her waist then flared fully into those round hips and her heart-shaped bottom. Running his finger along her spine, loving how her skin felt beneath his touch, The first time I get to truly touch her, I wind up making love to her? I hope this was okay for her... I hope it was the right thing... Remembering the look she had given him when he'd followed her, and when he'd spared his uncle, or just a little bit ago - the need was there, but it wasn't lust. It was a need for intimacy, to know that he was there and real. Caspian could understand, it had been a near thing when he'd rescued her - some insane voice in his head had told him to jump down and ravish her then and there while he still had a chance.

Thankfully that desperate voice had shut up with little urging from his more sensible side. Running his hands over her back and shoulders, "Susan?"

"Mph?" moving her face just enough to blink at him owlishly, Oh you look beautiful as nothing else in any life could look right now, and.. surprisingly cute.

Smiling, his ministrations turned even more languid, simply wanting to reassure himself, though she seemed perfectly content, "Is it alright that I am touching you like this? I am not... scaring you?"

"I'm okay, just sleepy," her chin rested on his chest, hair hanging off to the side of one alabaster shoulder. "Can we just stay like this forever?"

"I would like nothing more, well... Other than a bath, possibly one with some company, if I may be so bold? After all I am quite sweaty, and probably quite offensive to your nose."

Susan took a deep inhale, her eyes closed, and smiled, "Nope, you smell good." Then her nose wrinkled, "But me on the other hand... I'm a bit fragrant..."

Laughing, Caspian managed to sit up despite how battered, bruised, worn, and sated he felt, with Susan in his arms, lounging on him like a piece of furniture. Curling his fingers around the back of her neck, tilting her head so he could kiss her deeply with tenderness that she returned with a heat he hadn't expected. He had quickly decided that he could survive on her kisses alone, so full of life and thrills that he wouldn't need food or air outside of what she gave him. Susan grumbled at him when he heaved to his feet, keeping her plastered to him, her legs wrapping around his waist.

"Well I feel rather ripe and you feel a bit scented, and there is a handy little creek not too far..." it was a lucky thing to him that they'd wound up near their usual place, with it's little sand and pebble stream, something he planned on taking full advantage of. Susan squealed when he shifted her over his shoulder, as he laughed jogging the few meters to it, running in splashing while hands smacked at his backside in mock fury.

"Oh you oaf!" but she was giggling and far more awake at the touch of cold water that he was kicking up.

Letting her slide down his front, grinning ear to ear, "Well I certainly smell like one..." darting away from her.

"I'm so going to get you!" sputtering, trying to splash him.

The water wasn't very deep, just to mid-thigh on Caspian, but it came up almost to Susan's waist, making it hard for her to maneuver as quickly as him. Squeals and chuckles echoed around them as they played like children, drenched in the cool water that eased the aches in their bodies.

"Ah ha! You got me, you got me! Alas for I am caught!" Caspian laughed, letting Susan tackle him into the water.

"Damn right you're caught!" Susan's chest was heaving and her cheeks were flushed, hair clinging to her in wet curls.

Caspian's mood softened at once, taking her face in his hands, "Aye, well and truly you have ensnared me, and I am helpless in your arms... To your laughter... To your smiles... You are the most beautiful woman anywhere."

Susan's eyes widened, and he could see fear flash uncertainly in their depths, "What if I wasn't pretty?"

"You will always be pretty, no matter the incarnation," rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks, "You could look like a Black Dwarf - and you would still be the most lovely woman of all time. It is not your physical assets of which I speak Susan." A rock was digging into his knee but it was ignored in favour of easing Susan, "Though those are truly great, do not mistake me there. It is your heart that makes you so. The strength you possess, the love you have - I have told you of it before, and I will tell you again and again until you believe it, for it is true."

Oh how he wanted to tell her he loved her, but something always stopped him from saying those words, the memory of a husky voice telling her that over and over again as it violated her. Caspian wanted nothing they did together to remind her of that. Ever. Though at times it was so very hard to not utter what felt as though it was bursting from his insides, warming a cold world with a gentle steady force. Susan had become his life in so little time, so easily, giving him a purpose beyond duty, and he would do what had to be done to keep her safe. Even against her will? that thought was quickly shoved aside, but it still whispered darkly. Silencing it with, I am not Peter! But what was worse... was the argument that Susan may not always do what was right for herself in the long run, but what was familiar. None of it showed on his face, this conflict, or so he hoped, as the fear eased away from Susan's bottomless pools.

Her lips parted to speak, then things happened too fast. Terror filled her face, a masculine roar, and Caspian was shoving her aside, out of the way, as Peter came charging in, his sword flashing. Everything froze as Caspian had risen to meet him - unarmed and nude - and just before he could be spitted on Peter's blade... Susan was there, with an agility that no one would have expected... She hung there from the cruelly sharp weapon even as Peter couldn't stay his thrust, and then it was punching into Caspian, horror on the High King's face coupled with possessive rage. Sound was gone, but for the rushing in his ears, pain a distant thing that beat against his mind, and then the sword was torn free, Peter throwing it aside, trying to catch Susan as Caspian fell back, floating in the water. So cold...as he was being swallowed up, only vaguely aware of Susan struggling, bleeding out her life's blood, tearing free of Peter's arms to cradle him. Looking up at Susan, blood running down her side, painting her in wine red, his head pillowed on her breasts, and he was warmed by the loving waters of her eyes, blazing hot silver drops landing on his face.

He had to say it... had to... "Susan... I wanted to... make you happy..." a last act of strength, "I love you always..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the next, trust me, they don't really die


	4. Chapter 4

Peter stared in horror, unable stop the forward motion of his sword, Susan's face twisting in agony. Ignoring Caspian as the prince fell back, Peter yanked his blade free of Susan, hoping, praying he wasn't causing more damage to her with the movement. Catching her, Peter tried to hold her up and stem the river flowing from her abdomen. Even so, even still - Susan didn't look at him, she was struggling, reaching for Caspian, her throes more powerful than they had any right to be, fueled by desperation. Unable to hold onto her, Peter splashed forward, in another feeble attempt to support Susan, who was tenderly wrapping her arms around the Telmarine prince.

"Susan...I wanted to... make you happy..." Caspian's throat worked, struggling mightily to force the last part out, "I'll love you forever..." and the light fled eyes that Peter always thought looked like dark evil abysses.

Susan howled, an animal sound that was foreign to Peter, and his own arms came up to prevent her from falling back. How come no one's coming?But Peter could make no utterance, no hue or cry, just try and keep Susan standing, as her body got colder, that eerie keening torn from her throat in a ceaseless ululation. Unaware that his own voice had joined Susan's, for his chest felt as though it were being crushed, the noise rising and falling an inhuman banshee wailing. Clutching them to his chest, still clad in his armour, kneeling in the stream making for an odd statue of love gone wrong, the unwounded of them, Peter stayed like that an eternity.

And yet no one came.

But Someone was there, yet Peter was so blinded by his anguish he couldn't see. When spent and drained from his agony, Peter looked down at Susan, blue lipped, love and pain still painting her features, frozen forever as she stared down at a dark-haired man, who was not much more than a boy in Peter's mind. Yet even with the light having fled their eyes, it was as though they held the other's gaze, the last and only thing they ever wanted to see. Sobbing, Peter curled over them, shame rending him, What have I done...?

Like Capulet and Montague before him, Peter had caused the ultimate wrong - destroying that which he loved most by trying to keep it for himself. Somehow he found the strength to pull them both to the leaf strewn ground, positioning them so they held each other still, with Caspian's hand on Susan's cheek, and her arms around him. With shaking fingers, Peter brushed Susan's hair back from her face, the High King taking over the jealousy and conquering it for the first time in years.

"My son," rumbling as deep as time rocked Peter, but he couldn't look up at the Lion.

He didn't deserve to.

"Yes, My son you do," a giant paw came into view as the King of Beasts and Man came closer. "Look at Me."

Struggling, Peter raised his face, "I can't undo this, can I? What must I do? Please, please tell me Aslan. I'll do anything."

Aslan lay down, his head cocked to the side, lambent eyes watching him with a mixture of sadness and disappointment, "Do you know why you are here?"

Shaking his head, "Caspian called us."

There was a sigh, "Listen My son, you have much to hear for I make no habit of explaining My actions nor what may have been."

"Yes Sir."

"Do you know why you left Narnia the first time?"

Numbly he shook his head, "No."

"I am love, and all pure love is good. So I would not have stopped your time with Susan for anything save one," Aslan's voice vibrated.

"...My jealousy."

"Yes, the moment you murdered an innocent man, who only committed the crime of loving Susan, and being loved in turn, that was when your time in Narnia had to end." Aslan looked away in thought as Peter watched, "All that came to pass happened because of one action. The Golden Age would have stretched on for a thousand years, and life would have been good. Telmarines would have joined with Narnians making for the most peaceful kingdom in any land, world, or time. That was My intention." Shaggy head turned towards Peter once more, "But it was for naught. So, I sent you and yours home, hoping that those of your world would be able to redeem you, curb you. It had been My thought that the only prevention I would use was to ensure no seed of yours would be implanted if your possessive love continued." Sighing, and Peter felt sick for what he had done - not for loving Susan, but for how he had wronged his love - killing not just one innocent, but three now, as Aslan continued, "Narnia needed the Kings and Queens - and... you needed saving. And Susan needed the soul that is still clinging to that body there. You were not willing to be absolved, not wanting to believe the wrongness of your actions."

"Aslan? Is...is that why You didn't show Yourself to me?"

"Yes, My son."

"I don't care about me, I'm... I'm not... worthy. But - what can be done for Susan? For Caspian? For... Narnia? They need... they need a king, and..." struggling, fighting so hard, "And Caspian is that king, and he needs Susan."

"This is true," Alsan stood up, looking down at him, "Are you willing to do whatever is necessary?"

"Anything. No matter the cost to myself, but I will not harm my people either. Other than that - anything You wish."

"Good."

XXX

Susan looked around, confused, "Caspian?" Putting her hands to the side of her mouth, "Caspian!"

A throat was cleared, the sound familiar, sending a thrill of fear through her, "Su?"

Whirling, backing away, the thick grey fog surrounding Susan featureless, "P-peter?"

"Susan, please don't be scared," his hands held up, placating.

Something was wrong with his face, it didn't look the same anymore. It looked like it used to before he was always angry. Swallowing, Susan couldn't help but step cautiously back, wary. He'd done something terrible, she knew it. But she couldn't remember what.

"Susan, please, don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you, I swear it," his voice pained, raw with untold agony.

"Where am I?"

"The place Between," Peter sat, cross legged, and looked away from her, "I need to say some things, some hard things. And you don't have to listen, but... if you ever cared for me at all, or felt that I loved you ever - you'll listen."

Susan was unable to tolerate his pain, she never could, and knelt beside him, putting her arm around his shoulders. Shocked, Peter looked at her, his eyes bloodshot and agonized, as though he couldn't believe she was touching him willingly. Pulling him into her arms, so she could rock him side to side, Susan listened to his sobbing, running her fingers through his hair. In the end, she really did love him too - just not like he needed. But she did her best to ease his suffering.

Crooning into his hair, "I'll listen."

XXX

What...? Caspian looked down at his hands, they were wrong. All wrong, like twin images superimposed over themselves, one hand broad, thick fingered, pale and reddened by years of work; the other long and dark, fine boned, nimble. Both were the hands of warriors, one a born soldier the other a born scholar - in the end though they belonged to him. Where am I? though there were other images wavering over him, different hands, for different things, all flickering this way and that, just as the fog reflected back many faces to him. Two were recurring - wavy blond hair with green eyes, curly sable with eyes that glinted darkly. Stocky, short, tall, thin, muscular, wiry, sometimes handsome, sometimes homely, and they were all him. All of them. Each one had learned something, and each time waited patiently, waiting again and again for something to happen. Never knowing what.

"You have lived many times, and learned many things," there was a deep purr behind him.  
Turning, Caspian saw a Lion of unparalleled size and beauty, "May I inquire as to what is going on?"

Chuckling, "I remember when you were not always so polite."

Frowning, rubbing his chin - that felt like it bore a beard then was clean-shaven then not once more, "If one were wise - one would always be polite to the Lord of Narnia."

"And you have not always been wise," Aslan walked forward, to stand beside him, gazing at the swirling mists. "You have had a chance that no man has had before in this land. I have allowed it to you, for it is rare that someone has the strength to fight so hard for something." Caspian followed as Aslan paced along, like they were walking upon a sandy beach, "That is something that has never changed about you - you have an implacable will, inconquerable. When you make up your mind you will not be stopped. There were times when I thought to spare you further, to simply take you to My Country for eternal rest. And each time - you fought, refusing, even if you did not remember the why of it."

"I do not follow Your meaning my Lord," trying to understand what He was saying.  
Rumbling shook the air as Aslan laughed, deep and full of good humour, "How many lifetimes may a man have in thirteen hundred years?"

Quickly he fell into calculating, A good life is of fifty years, into thirteen-hundred, "Twenty-six."

"Close, twenty-one. And twenty-one times you chose to try yet again, not even remembering your goal."

Taking a deep breath, "What of my goal? What could drive a man to live twenty-one times, and die twenty-one times?"

"That I will not tell you, but I have a question for you - would you live again?"

And the memory of twenty-one deaths ripped through him, each one different, each the same, bringing him to his knees with a cry, leaving him gasping, laying on whatever the unknown ground was. Images too fast for him to track flashed, not even pausing long enough for him to get an impression of what had happened or why. Rolling onto his back, Caspian stared, the only thing coming into his mind was that he was some kind of phoenix, rising from the ashes, each rebirth refining him until he was nothing but energy at this point. A mind inhabiting a body that truly meant not a thing. Regaining his feet, disregarding the pain shaking his limbs he stood strong, despite the fear and desire to never feel pain like it again, knowing that if he had had a reason to be reborn the first time, that he still had one and always would until he achieved his goal.

"I will always do whatever is necessary," bowing his head, "even if I am uncertain, even if I am afraid, even if I am angry, or confused, or hurt - the right thing is the right thing, and that is what I have learned." Raising his eyes to Aslan's, "If it pleases You to allow me to continue to learn, to try, to hope for my goal to be achieved - then yes, I would live again."

"Interesting, your reasoning has changed," Aslan eyed him speculatively. "Do you request anything this time?"

Cocking his head, "Request?"

"Yes, you have always had them, a way to get you closer to that which you have set your sights on. The last time you wished to be a prince with the power to summon things from the past," but Caspian didn't remember this life of which the Lion spoke.

Freezing for a moment he realized he remembered nothing of his life - of any of them. Consternated all he could recall was a series of things learned, of wisdom gained, of understanding of the nature of people and a strong sense of duty. That one was more recent it felt like. As though the duty to protect others was what had fueled him in his last few lives.  
Shaking it off, he had a question, "How much do I resemble the man I once was?"

"Very little," the Lion smiled - a faint baring of teeth as hairy lips pulled back, "You have changed much, into something entirely different with the only thing in common being the ability to be gentle under the right circumstances."

Gentle...the word stirred something. "Fine. If I may? Then my request is this if You see fit to grant it - I wish to protect those who need it most, with the knowledge of gentleness guiding me."

"Haha - how you have learned..." and He Breathed upon Caspian.

XXX

They walked beside Aslan, and Peter tried not to think of how lovely Susan looked, in silvery-blue that brought out every shade of both colours from her eyes, and made her cheeks glow.

"You have learned all that you can learn here," Alsan rumbled.

He'd been warned that Susan wouldn't remember dying or their conversation, but that the essence would remain, as well as the memories of how he had treated her for many years - those couldn't be erased. But every word, every touch, each kiss he'd gained there burned him, giving Peter a strength that he had forgotten he'd ever lost until it was returned to him. Despite that he knew he wouldn't undo what he'd done. On his chest and back he bore scars from where a blade had pierced his flesh, his body would always ache as though it was still lanced with steel. This was his penance, taking all of Susan's hurt into himself that he could. And while the wound was healed, it would never feel as though it were. For it was not just his penance it was his reminder to be careful and cherish all that he loved and protected.

Stay with Caspian my love, Peter willed it, though it hurt to a point where he wished he would just hurry up and die already. It was what she needed, even if it wasn't what he wanted.

Sadness hung in the air around Susan, a choice before her she wouldn't be able to have all the necessary information to make an informed decision. Aslan nudged Peter with His velvety nose, offering His love and forgiveness. Grateful even as the Lion left him with Susan, Peter watched as her eyes swept the courtyard.

Taking her hand, "Su."

She didn't look at him, just stared down at his boots, "Yes Peter?"

"Could you love me?"

Susan made a little huff as she thought, then looked up at him, "I do love you."

"But not like I love you," rubbing her fingers with his. Before she could deny it, "I know you don't. I always knew, even though you tried so hard."

"I'm sorry," one fat teardrop fell from her eye, and Peter caught it on the tip of his forefinger.  
"Stay Susan. Stay in Narnia," making a careful check that no one would see, he leaned down pressing his mouth to hers with loving tenderness. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Caspian - he can't stand alone."

"Neither can you," her lips moved as he pulled back, granting him the barest of kisses in return.

Thinking on their time together in the place Between, he knew he'd never be alone. Smiling through his own pain, he did the right thing, the thing that was good for Susan, and what she ultimately needed, "Stay in Narnia. They need you, and we'll be fine. All of us. It's the right thing Susan, you know it. Deep down you do."

XXX

Susan walked by Aslan's Tree staring at it, studying every bump and ridge. All was quiet in the night, Caspian was sleeping deeply, still recovering from the battle several days ago as well as the stress of the coronation party. Why did you tell me to stay? that confused Susan to no end. It was so contrary to the Peter she had known for years, as though time had rewound and he'd become the man he once was in that time before. Licking her lips her heart mourned, her loving heart wishing she could have given him what he needed. She'd been trying for so long Susan wasn't sure how to live without that driving each of her choices.

"Do you regret it My daughter?"

For some reason she wasn't surprised by Aslan appearing beside her. Shaking her head, "I'm not sure. I'm...worried for them."

"Things will be as they will," Aslan stepped closer, encouraging her to tangle her fingers in His mane.

Comfort enveloped her as well as a strange ache in her chest, that disappeared as quickly as it came, "Do You think that... that..." The thought was horrible.

Aslan sighed, nudging her with his head, "Ask Me this and this once I will tell you part of what will be."

Shivering, "Do You think that Peter will... notice.. Lucy?"

"He will not. It has only ever been you in his heart," and the words eased the worst fear Susan had ever had.

Sighing in relief, Susan leaned over hugging Him thankfully, "I hope they'll be okay."

"Time will tell, but no story is set in stone, even the stars cannot fully predict everything, not even I can," one of His paws came up, hugging her despite how odd that would look to an outsider.

Susan dearly needed the solace He was offering, wanting a good life for her family, while taking her first steps on her own while thinking of her needs. So long she had lived for her family, never for herself, only giving everything she had to give. Not everything...

"Yes, you gave everything My child," it was a soft purr, banishing her guilt. "As did he. Peter has learned much and his absolution is at hand. Do not begrudge either yourself or him the right to his penance. Now," releasing her, "go to the other man who loves you. There is much both of you will learn in this lifetime."

Nodding, Susan leaned down once more after straightening up, to give Him an impulsive hug, and ran without a backward glance into the castle. I hate stairs! but the thought made her laugh as she took them two and three at a time, using the railing to keep from falling while holding up her skirts with the other. The pain of many years was still inside her heart, making it ache every now and then, but her soul felt light, and she wished to share this with someone. Bursting into Caspian's quarters in a swirl of skirts, the exhausted king sprang up from the bed startled, sword leaping to his hand, and Susan froze with a smile on her face, waiting for him to calm.

"My Queen?" the sword held loosely, point resting on the carpet by his bed. Our bed soon! amending it with a happy thought.

"Yes my King?" shutting the door behind her. Joyful, Susan wanted to dance and twirl not fully understanding it but not caring. He brought this to her, the way only Giles had before him. And even Giles - knightly Giles, hadn't given her so much peace and joy. Spinning about so her skirts belled Susan laughed while Caspian watched, clad only in a pair of worn leggings. Stopping and collapsing with a giggle, Susan looked up from the floor through Caspian's open bedroom door, feeling dizzy. Reaching up with both her hands smiling, "Would my King help me up please? I seem to have fallen quite deeply and only you are the stable thing in my world..."

Caspian's sword clattered as he let it drop and rushed over to her, kneeling, a worried frown on his face, "Are you well?" His hand pressed to her forehead as though to check her temperature, "You are flushed, have you had anything to drink? Something odd to eat?"

Laughing, unable to help it, Susan took his hand, kissing his palm, "I am quite well thank you for asking, and no I didn't eat anything strange nor am I in my cups! What I am..." leaning forward, so they were nose to nose, "is in love." Kissing the cleft in his chin, And what an adorable chin it is! "And quite happy about it thankyouverymuch!"

His eyes widened, glinting with surprise, "Then I am glad of it as well." She watched as he hesitated, his fingers flexing in her grip, "For I am in love as too, and have been for forever it seems."

"Good," wrapping her arms around him, nuzzling his neck, "then you won't object over much if I stay with you? You did once tell me to hold onto you. But - I never said what I wanted to then, so I'll say it now," voice dropping low.

"And what would that be?"

"That I never will let go of you again, for I cannot bear the thought."

XXX

Caspian was in awe, shocked awe, as he undressed Susan who was humming and jiggling from foot to foot, impatient. What has gotten into you? Not that I am complaining...

Susan said in mock irritation, looking over her shoulder at him as he unlaced her corset, "Hurry up! You've got the rest of our lives to unwrap me like a present!"

To that he chuckled, "Ah yes, but is it not the anticipation that heightens it?" sucking on the side of her neck, grazing it with his teeth. A soft gasp followed by a moan as Caspian bit down gently, all the while his fingers tugged each tie, going sensuously slow. He wanted to take his time, to show Susan how precious each second with her was. Some part of him felt as he had struggled greatly for her his whole life without realizing it, but mostly he felt love and contentment. And greatly aroused, I fear my Queen if I do not take my time with you I shall not last... quirking an eyebrow at the thought he smirked, done with her bindings, allowing it to fall to the floor, Then again if the last time was anything to go by I will not need to last long...

Sweeping his hands over her shoulders, pushing her shift down, Caspian rained kisses over the alabaster skin, hungry to taste it. Susan turned in his arms, fiddling with the ties that held the front closed, baring her breasts to him. Then those beautiful hands were in his hair, guiding him to a marble globe, tipped with a raspberry nubbin. Groaning, Caspian's lips wrapped around it sucking, while bunching the skirt of her shift up, stroking her thigh as he lifted it. When Susan wobbled, Caspian realized that standing up maybe wasn't the best thing to be doing at this moment.

"I have... been anticipating this for awhile..."

Raising his head, rubbing his stubbled cheek over the silky smooth skin, "Oh?"

"All afternoon."

Laughing Caspian hoisted her up, carrying her into his bedroom, "All afternoon you say? Well then, what is a few minutes more?" with a gentle toss he had her on the bed where she bounced with an 'oomph', rolling over to look at him. With her shift down around her waist, a leg naked to his gaze as well as her breasts, skin flushed and eyes asparkle - Caspian wasn't sure how slow he could go. But maybe he didn't have to.

"A few minutes is too long," wriggling out of her shift, making parts of her bounce that made Caspian's mind go blank.

Bloomers wound up bringing him back to reality when they landed on his head, covering his eyes, Susan laughed at him as he tore them from his face holding them in his fist, but he was sure his eyes were blazing as he pinned her with a stare, taking a deep breath of her scent on them before letting tossing them aside. Issuing a little growl, Caspian had his leggings off with a hard shove, and pounced beside her, taking each of her ankles in his hands and sliding them up, spreading her legs as she blushed. She was reaching for him, with little grasping motions biting her lip.Oh those lips were made to torture me... Stalking up her body, Caspian hovered over Susan, feeling very male in this moment, like some primal animal about to claim his mate.

Taking her bottom lip between his teeth and flicking his tongue over the plump skin, "Are you sure you wish to hurry this?" Please say yes, please...

Legs wrapped around his waist, pulling hips up to his, rubbing against him, while her hands ran over his face, hair, shoulders and chest, "I don't want to wait any longer..."

Sighing in relief, Caspian braced himself on one arm, the other slipping beneath her bottom, keeping her hips tilted, as he slid his cock against her folds, feeling for her entrance. Eyes rolling back in his head, he pressed in slowly, taking her gradually, trying to savour this despite his urgency. Deep inside of her, Caspian held himself still, checking her face, this was only their second time together and he didn't know what he'd do if he ever scared her. Seeing only heat and love in her gaze, pleasure making her perspire as she quivered around him. Claiming her mouth, tangling tongues with her, Caspian moved deeply, catching the puff of air as Susan gasped. Smiling Caspian pulled away, pumping steadily in her soaking wet heat, somehow keeping a rein on his desire so that he could guide her hand to her sex.

Whispering in her ear, "Touch yourself."

"H-how," it was breathy with a hint of her usual shyness, full of trust.

Leaning back, Caspian knelt, his knees shoved beneath her back and bottom, parting her folds around where he was buried inside her, "Here," placing her fingers over the pink bud. "Stroke it gently until you find how you like it."

It was a monumental effort of will for him, as he held their position, rocking against her to give the most stimulation he could. Susan's eyes were avid as she looked curiously at how they fitted together, and Caspian knew Susan had never explored this from her tiny surprised mewlings. When her fingertips went lower, circling his girth, he thought he would die. Whining, Caspian leaned over Susan, trying to keep some semblance of control.

"Please Caspian?" and he could feel her trying to get the leverage to ride him, her fingers busy over her clitoris, making her insides squeeze rhythmically around him.

Swallowing, "Are you sure...? I...will not last long."

Susan wiggled moaning, one hand between her legs, the other thrown over her head gripping the pillow there, "Yes."

With a purr Caspian moved again, his weight laying atop her heavily, and if he was crushing Susan, she didn't seem to mind. Every moment pushed him closer to the brink, as he tried to touch all of her, laying hot kisses over each piece of exposed skin he could reach, his hips plunging against hers, slim fingers trapped between them adding to his pleasure as well as hers. A strangled cry as Susan thrashed, her back arching so strongly that Caspian was partially lifted from the bed, her orgasm triggering his and Caspian let out a long groan, holding himself still and deep, spilling inside her sheath as it milked him.

Susan was half asleep when Caspian pulled free of her, flopped in disarray beneath him, "Susan?"

"Whu?" moving only the tiniest bit.

"Going to sleep already?" All he got was a grunt as she rolled onto her side, wriggling on the bed. Shaking his head with a grin, Caspian got up to get a drink, then poured a second for her, bring it over, "Are you thirsty?" She frowned, pushing her face into his pillow with an unintelligible mumble. Shrugging, he drained the cup and put it aside. Curling around her, not bothering with a blanket and settled down content. I suppose now is not the time to ask you to wed me. In the morning perhaps... Dropping a kiss on her shoulder, hugging Susan close, And women complain of men falling asleep right after - they must not know my Queen...

XXX

Peter sat on the grass rubbing at the only scars to mar his skin, a reminder of Narnia. A reminder of Susan. On their return 'twas as though she had never existed, even Lucy and Edmund had forgotten her. Perhaps that was to the good, but he wouldn't forget, he couldn't. If only he had told her those things he felt long before, if only he'd listened when she had told him she wanted Giles to court her... There were alot of 'if only's. But in the end Peter knew he had to be at peace with this, for he'd long ago given up the right to keep her to himself. If you really love someone - you set them free. Now Susan was free... and so was he to a degree. Jealousy no longer tainted his veins, but nothing would ever lessen his love for her or the pain of his loss. It would always be her name he sighed in those moments when he pleasured himself. Nor would any other woman bring him satisfaction. Maybe one day, maybe... Maybe she would look at him and smile. But not today, and not tomorrow.

XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the endings, the 'real' one that I intended. However, at the time of writin' this, several others asked for other endings to be included. Those are contained in the next section. They pick up after the dream sequence.


	5. Chapter 5

They walked beside Aslan, and Peter tried not to think of how lovely Susan looked, in silvery-blue that brought out every shade of both colours from her eyes, and made her cheeks glow.  
"You have learned all that you can learn here," Alsan rumbled.

He'd been warned that Susan wouldn't remember dying or their conversation, but that the essence would remain, as well as the memories of how he had treated her for many years - those couldn't be erased. But every word, every touch, each kiss he'd gained there burned him, giving Peter a strength that he had forgotten he'd ever lost until it was returned to him. Despite that he knew he wouldn't undo what he'd done. On his chest and back he bore scars from where a blade had pierced his flesh, his body would always ache as though it was still lanced with steel. This was his penance, taking all of Susan's hurt into himself that he could. And while the wound was healed, it would never feel as though it were. For it was not just his penance it was his reminder to be careful and cherish all that he loved and protected.

Stay with Caspian my love, Peter willed it, though it hurt to a point where he wished he would just hurry up and die already. It was what she needed, even if it wasn't what he wanted.  
Sadness hung in the air around Susan, a choice before her she wouldn't be able to have all the necessary information to make an informed decision. Aslan nudged Peter with His velvety nose, offering His love and forgiveness. Grateful even as the Lion left him with Susan, Peter watched as her eyes swept the courtyard.

Taking her hand, "Su."

She didn't look at him, just stared down at his boots, "Yes Peter?"

"Could you love me?"

Susan made a little huff as she thought, then looked up at him, "I do love you."

"But not like I love you," rubbing her fingers with his. Before she could deny it, "I know you don't. I always knew, even though you tried so hard."

"I'm sorry," one fat teardrop fell from her eye, and Peter caught it on the tip of his forefinger.  
"Stay Susan. Stay in Narnia," making a careful check that no one would see, he leaned down pressing his mouth to hers with loving tenderness. "If you won't do it for yourself, do it for Caspian - he can't stand alone."

"Neither can you," her lips moved as he pulled back, granting him the barest of kisses in return.

Thinking on their time together in the place Between, he knew he'd never be alone. Smiling through his own pain, he did the right thing, the thing that was good for Susan, and what she ultimately needed, "Stay in Narnia. They need you, and we'll be fine. All of us. It's the right thing Susan, you know it. Deep down you do."

XXX

Susan felt as though she were being torn asunder with each step she took towards Aslan's Tree. All I can do is bring Caspian pain, I'm not fit. And there's something wrong with Peter - I have to fix it! I have to... it's all I know how to do... Add to that the worry for Lucy and Edmund, Susan had no choice. Who will make their lunches? Do the laundry? Who will take care of them if not me? That was the crux of the problem. Caspian would find himself a queen and move on. He'd be alright. Just a brief pain now, just a tiny one - it will all work out. It has to.

Aslan was watching her sadly, understanding her reasons, His gaze heavy on her back. Not as heavy as Caspian's. One last kiss... just one.. I need it... Give me strength Aslan for what I must do...

Turning she ran back to Caspian, pulling him into a kiss, feeling him curl over her one last time, his scent enveloping her. And then she saw Peter smiling, gritting his teeth through pain. Susan couldn't hurt him more - hadn't she hurt him enough? So taking a deep breath she smiled and walked through the Tree and into England. Pausing she looked at the dreary tube station, a piece of her dying inside.

Peter was there, his hand on her elbow unobtrusively as he whispered, "You should have stayed Su. It would have been alright."

Lucy and Edmund boarded, with she and Peter following closely, "But you need me."

The ride home was long, with Peter sitting next to her, Lucy and Edmund talking animatedly, Susan just trying to breathe. Movement flickered out of the corner of her eye, as Peter rubbed at a spot on his chest, a pained frown drawing his brows down. Taking his hand in hers, she gave it a soft squeeze trying to make him smile. This was her decision, and she would stick to it. Vowing to love him however she could, to fufill his needs and the needs of her family, Susan settled back.

XXX

Caspian stared at Aslan's Tree the great Lion standing next to him.

"She left," still not sure how it had happened. How his heart had given a terrible twist when he realized what was going on, hearing her voice tell him she was sorry whispering in his ear. Then she walked away from him, and all he knew was brought low by Aslan's voice when He said that it was done.

Aslan sighed, "You believe she picked him over you?"

Glancing over, "No - she picked what was familiar."

"Sometimes that is less frightening My son than facing that which is wonderful, because then you must fear losing it," Aslan rumbled.

Hugging himself, "I am patient, and she will know my love eventually. She will."

Curiosity sparking in His eyes, "Is that so?"

Caspian laughed the sound mirthless, "Aye Aslan, it is. I have vowed it, and nothing will shake me from that course." Turning towards Him, "I know something happened. I know not what, but I still know. This... this is not the end. I will not let it be. Sometimes, you have to make a great sacrifice to get what you need Aslan, and I will make that choice every time. For I need her, and I will be able to share myself with her eventually... Eventually..."

"Tell Me, do you know the story of the Pheonix?"

"Aye, that I do. But some say the Pheonix was no bird of fire Sir, but a man with an implacable will who refused to die."

"Everything dies Caspian."

Cocking his head, "Even You?"

"Yes, even Me."

"Then I suppose Sir, we are two of a kind, for You were reborn, and if it takes me a thousand lifetimes - I will be with her and share a good life with her."

"Hmmm... Twenty-two..." was all the Lion would say with an enigmatic chuckle, as though Caspian had said something of great amusement.

Turning his back on the Tree, Caspian walked away and forward despite the pain that broke him. He was strong, and he would not falter.

If Caspian was aware of his prior rebirths it was not clear, even to Aslan. But it must be said that he was not, he was merely sure of the love he bore and of its rightness. And that he would never let it go. For every man has a dark seed to them, every man has a possessive streak that can drive him, and Caspian had his, though it had been burnt away by many lives, still that kernel of need was there and would reach fruition. But - let it also be said that it's fruit would not be dark, but full and lovely, for Aslan willed it. Ultmately, Aslan was a romantic, for He was love, and He wished to reward this man who kept fighting to give the one person who fit his soul - in all its incarnations - all of him. That is for another time... Another world...

XXX

Peter watched as Susan did the dishes. Lucy and Edmund were abed, still tired from their trip to Narnia. Why did you come back?

"Are you just going to stand there Peter, or did you want something?" with that soft voice of hers only reserved for when she was in need of comfort.

Joining her at the sink, taking a towel he started to dry the dishes that she placed on the counter, "I only want you."

Susan's head was down, so he couldn't quite see her face fully - he was sure tears were falling - "Well I'm here. I have to finish cleaning up though before I can join you upstairs."

"Su -" starting to ask, but Peter cut himself off, he didn't want to know. Instead he changed his question to something more mundane, "Su, would you like to take a walk instead tonight? Or...be left alone?"

He really did love her, so he tried.

Susan gave him a wan smile, "Whatever you like."

The minutes passed quietly as Peter helped her clean up, even made the lunches for the next day, the two moving around each other with practiced ease. When had he stopped helping her care for Lucy and Edmund? A long time ago. He'd do better this time, and if Susan decided to come to his bed, he'd be gentle like he always should have been. Finishing up, Peter watched as Susan stretched looking tired.

Placing his hands on her waist, "If you're tired, go ahead, go to bed. If not - I'd love to take a walk with you."

"I don't think I can be alone tonight," while her voice quivered just the faintest amount, Peter understood.

Even if you think I'll give you cold comfort, you still need something... I'm glad you came back, but.. I'm sorry... So sorry... I'll spend my life making it up to you. I swear it.

He only smiled, not saying anything about such weighty matters, "Okay."

With that he watched as Susan walked up the stairs to change for bed, and Peter rubbed at his chest once more trying to ease the agony there. Going to the liquor cabinet he poured himself a drink - with their father still at war, and mother never home, there was no one to say he shouldn't be knocking back the glass of whisky in his hand. It burnt as it went down, a familiar taste of woody smoke that warmed his belly. Staring at the glass Peter debated having another. Shaking off that desire - it'd do no good - Peter closed up the cabinet, locking it.

Making his way up to his room, he saw only the small bedside table lamp was flicked on, the light low, with Susan under the covers. Undressing, he kept his back to her as he folded his clothes, putting them in their places. Wondering silently if he should pull on a pair of pajamas, he glanced over at Susan, a bare shoulder peeking from the sheet. His loins stirred as they always did, and his decision was made for him.

Slipping in beside her, the sheets cool against his skin but for the warmth Susan radiated, Peter draped an arm over her middle. With soft touches, as tender as he once was with her, Peter had her roll over.

"I love you Susan," and it was alright that she didn't say it. He just wanted her to know it.

Lips pressed to his, as she mumbled, "I love you too."

His heart soared, even though he knew it wasn't the same love it was still love. Peter was merely grateful to hear it. Coasting his hands over her curves, he scooted beneath the covers, kissing a trail down her abdomen. How many years had it been since he'd done this for her? Nuzzling at the patch of curls between her thighs, smiling a small smile at her tiny gasp or surprise, Peter kissed all over the pale skin.

Hands went down to cup his head, "Peter?" sounding so uncertain.

"Mmm?" tracing her cleft with his tongue.

"Um... don't you want... why?"

Gliding up her body, feeling every silken inch, Peter kissed the corner of her trembling mouth, "You don't want me to?"

She blinked rapidly, confused, "I don't know. I thought.."

"I love you," as though it should answer all her questions. And it did, whether she knew it or not.

"Oh."

Touching Susan's stomach and sides, "Do you want the light out?" offering what he could. He remembered being frozen at the sight of she and Caspian, their gentle explorations having angered and disgusted him. To a degree the memory still made him angry, but more hurt than anything - coupled with fury at himself. And if... if her being able to close her eyes, to not see him would help her...

"No," she shook her head, almost as though she could read his thoughts.

Taking what he could get - and beyond thankful for what she was giving him - Peter nodded and went back to her sex. Lapping at her folds his tongue slid inside of her as he kissed deeply at her womanhood. Sighing came from overhead as Susan's legs spread allowing him greater access. Groaning at her acquiescence, rolling the wet muscle at her entrance, snaking it over every crevice, tasting all of her essence. It warmed him in a way the whisky couldn't, pushing aside the pain in his chest from where Aslan had transferred both Susan and Caspian's wounds, each quiet murmur coming from Susan easing the tight coils in his soul. Re-exploring her, Peter payed close attention to what made her writhe, or bite her fist to stay quiet. Closing his lips over the little peak at the top of her cleft, sucking and flicking his tongue over it experimentally. He was rewarded with a buck of her hips, and a hand tangling in his hair. Why didn't I ever take the time to truly explore her...? Shaking it off, Peter's world narrowed down to tasting her, until her muscles twitched and quaked, while she pressed a pillow to her face to muffle her cries.

Licking his lips when she was finished, Peter kissed his way back up, settling his weight between her legs, pulling the pillow away, "Susan?"

She was flushed, tiny beads of sweat formed in the valley of her breasts, and on her upper lip, as she panted trying to catch her breath, "Yes?"

"I love you," kissing her once more. He'd spend his lifetime kissing her if he could, if she let him.

Fingers ran through his hair, her body cradling his and he could feel how wet she was for him - well... from his ministrations at least. Reaching between them, Peter positioned himself, then took her leg, pulling it around his waist as he drilled into her body slowly. Focusing on pleasing her, on showing Susan this wasn't just him taking from her anymore, Peter kissed her endlessly. Containing his moans was difficult, how he wished he didn't have to muffle his sounds, or Susan's, but it wouldn't do for Lucy and Edmund to know. They wouldn't understand. Taking his time, he made love to her, so that when she shattered around him, Susan's arms wrapped like bands about his chest, holding him tight. Almost wishing despite the fact that there'd be no explaining it, he came close to desiring that Aslan hadn't stilled his seed. But it was to the good that it had been, and Peter quickened his pace, seeking his own release finally. When it came he bit his lip until it bled, which Susan wiped away tenderly as he shook, face pressed into the side of her neck.

Staying tangled with her, Peter stroked her back, holding her as he fell asleep, a last 'I love you' falling from his lips.

XXX

Susan lay awake in Peter's arms. The bedside lamp was still on, and she couldn't turn it off without waking Peter. Shifting slowly to find a more comfortable position, she noticed something. On his chest were angry scars, as though he'd been pierced by some blade. Tracing them with a frown Susan tried to figure out what could have left them there. Only in Narnia would he have recieved anything that could leave such marks. But - the wounds wouldn't have stayed through the transition - would they? Maybe it was something Aslan had left him with, for a reason. He was acting strange. Never had he been so thorough, so focused on making her satisfied. It was as though he were thanking her for staying with him.

Whispering, "I do love you Peter. I do."

She completed the thought silently though, But not as much as I love him. I'm sorry... I will try to be what you need. I will. I pray I do not fail.

Then she too fell to sleep - the first easy rest she'd gained in his arms in years.

XXX

"So, Caspian, we meet again," Aslan rumbled.

Caspian was in a vaguely familiar place. For some reason though he was not perturbed by his appearance this time. Cocking his head, This time? Hmm...

Eyeing Aslan, "Hello again then my friend."

"Oh so familiar," He sat on His haunches gazing at him.

"I am dead then I surmise," not bothering to look at the flickering images.

"Yes, you are dead."

"So - what now then?"

"We have had this conversation many many times Caspian," amusement filled the Lion's visage.

"Then explain it to me once more dear friend," Caspian made himself comfortable, leaning against the Lion's side.

"You have lived many times, and learned many things."

Caspian chuckled, "I surmised that."

"Did you now?"

"Yes, just as I have surmised that You have always given me some choice in the matter," Caspian listened to the huge resounding drumbeat of Aslan's heart.

The Lion shifted, laying down, looking at him, "That I have. Do you know why?"

"No, but...it does not matter I think. All that matters is that You have done so, and that you most likely will do so again - so long as it amuses You."

"Hmm... You think that odd? That I should wish to find humour in the life of someone?"

Caspian rested a once more young hand atop his bent knee, "No. But - is it just curiosity that causes You to give me this choice?"

"No, it is not. You are My friend, this is true. But you are also a great part of Me as well - for love has driven you to rise again and again, even though you do not remember who it is that you loved," a steady purring started as though He were content.

"I have the distinct feeling that this is the first time You have mentioned my motivations, if not the memory," Caspian wiggled his fingers side to side, marveling at how free of pain they were.

"True. So - have you made your choice?"

Caspian smiled, "Of course. I will rise again. And I will find her, be with her. Wherever she is."

"That is good My friend, now as for your request...?"

Caspian thought a moment. What sort of boon should he ask? Shrugging, "That I find her, that we have a good life together. That I bring her peace and happiness such as she's always deserved."

And then the Lion laughed, and it was full of love, "Now you have truly learned your lesson My friend. Go - and remember that sometimes we must ask something selfish to be selfless. Your last lives - you have given all you had to others, and now you shall get what you want."

And it was so.

XXX

He met her in England, she was a nurse caring for wounded soldiers in a veteran's hospital after the war, repenting for some sin that was known only to her. Something in her eyes made the fact that he had no memory seem not so bad at all. Her name was Susan. And she was gentle.

They had named him after a legendary bird - for his papers had been lost in some strange fire - Phoenix. And if she looked at him and called him husband and lover, that was all that mattered to him. So, he became Phoenix Pevensie - for he had no last name. Part of his soul - his memories to be exact - resided in a land beyond magic and time, just waiting for him to bring the one that had driven him endlessly through an almost eternity back to the land that was their true home. For now though, he smiled, happy with Susan as he never thought he would be. Surely no man was ever more at peace as he, when he held her at night. She told him of her family - a family that had been lost to a freak train wreck - and he told her of how he was glad to have found her. When they died together of old age - it was well.

Because they awoke where they belonged, and he was Caspian again, the one who had healed her, not the others who had lived to learn lessons to pass onto him, and she was Queen Susan the Gentle. And even Peter was at peace, glad to have had the little time he had to make up his wrongs against Susan, to love her with all he had. As well as more glad that she was truly whole, truly healed from everything. Friendship blossomed between the one time rivals, and Aslan watched from afar the only one who knew the whole story.

It was something only He would understand, not you or I. If questioned He would only smile and say that He was love, and that all good love is part of Him. Then He would walk away.


End file.
